So You Wanna Date A Duck
by RnBwRvrGrl and Digital Tempest
Summary: [Series] So you wanna date a duck? We're here for ya! ^_^ This is what happens when two authors get bored and start making up insane things in their mind. -Sparkle UPDATED!
1. Adam Banks

Title: So You Wanna Date A Duck?

Author(s): RnbwRvrGrl (Sparkle) and Digital Tempest

Rating: PG-13, we guess

Summary: Two very bored authors bring you an odd fic that came from an MSN messenger conversation. It's odd, extremely odd. You have been properly warned. ^_^

Authors' Notes: Don't kill us we were just having fun. Flame if you must but Flames toast s'mores!

**-x-**

*Sparkle walks in dragging a whimpering Tempest into a room with two couches and a chair*

Sparkle: C'mon Tempest. This will be fun. *cheeky grin*

Tempest: *screams* HOW DO I LET YOU TALK ME INTO THESE THINGS? *mutters* I hate you.

Sparkle: What was that?

Tempest: *smiles broadly* Oh, nothing… *plots Sparkle's death* So what exactly am I doing here?

-both girls sit on one of the couches-

Sparkle: We're going to give the good women out there in fanfiction.net land what they want.

Tempest: And that would be…?

Sparkle: *huffs* Didn't you read the title of the story? *points*

Tempest: We're going to help them get a date with a duck?

Sparkle: Not a 'duck', but a DUCK with a capital D. You know!

Tempest: Oh, I don't like this.  I think I should go home. It's past my bedtime.

Sparkle: Who are you kidding? You don't sleep. I know this for a fact. *Sparkle nods knowingly*

Tempest: Okay, you have a point, but how are we suppose to get henceforth-mentioned male Ducks _here?_

Sparkle: *pulls Duct tape out of her messenger bag* 

Tempest: Please, Sparkle, no! *her protests are in vain, as Sparkle disappears from the room*

-Tempest hears cries of protests and muttered threats, and then Sparkle reemerges a moment later smoothing her hair-

Sparkle: FIRST VICTIM… *smiles happily*

Tempest: o_O;;

Sparkle: I meant first…er… boy…

Tempest: And that would be…? *says hopefully* THE ROCK?!

Sparkle: *whaps Tempest* WRONG FANDOM!

Tempest: *cries*

Sparkle: *reads clipboard* ADAM BANKS! We're going in alphabetical order by last names

Tempest: *cries more* BUT I DON'T WANNA… wait a minute… alphabetical order by last name… WOULDN'T THAT MAKE LES AVERMAN FIRST? *grabs the clipboard to inspect it*

Sparkle: No.  *snatches the clipboard away from Tempest*

Tempest: A comes before B.  *tries to snatch the clipboard back, but Sparkle sits on it.*

Sparkle: *sweatdrop* Okay, we're going by first names then.

Tempest: This is so rigged. *glares*

Sparkle: Are you accusing me of doing something unfair, Tempest? How dare you? Bring in the first Duck. *Sparkle starts bouncing in her seat*

-Adam is dragged into the room by a large man. His hands and feet are duct taped together. Tempest shoots Sparkle an evil look, and Sparkle pretends to not see it.-

Tempest: You know this is against the law in all 50 states, right?

Sparkle: Oh shush, we're going to returned him unharmed… for the most part. *evil laughter*

Tempest: ¬.¬; 

Sparkle: Put him right here in between us. *pats the sofa and the lackey throws Adam between the girls* CAREFUL! We don't want you harming the merchandise.

Tempest: But I don't want to sit by him. 

Sparkle: Are you always this disagreeable? -says to Adam- Now, I'm going to untie your hands and feet. If you start kicking and biting again, I'll have to kill you, okay? And you're too cute to kill. *ruffles Adam's hair*

Adam: mmphf

Tempest: Maybe you should ungag him too. He looks like he wants to say something important. 

*Sparkle pulls the gag out of his mouth*

Adam: You'll hear from my lawyer. 

*Tempest quickly stuffs the gag back in mouth*

Sparkle: Tempest?! Is that anyway to treat our guest?

Tempest: *whines* BUT be's bothering _me. *miffed*_

*Sparkle takes the gag back out and unties Adam*

Sparkle: Hello Adam, *drools* how are you?

Adam: *looks around the room* Where am I?

Tempest: Well, it sure ain't Disney, you --  

Sparkle: *whaps Tempest* You're in our studio of course. We're going to help you get a date since you're seriously lacking in female companionship.

Tempest & Adam together: THIS IS A STUDIO?

Sparkle: Hey, you have to work with what you can get! That's not the point thought! We're here to help you find the woman of your dreams.

Tempest: *says nonchalantly* I'm not convinced Adam likes women. 

-Adam and Sparkle facefault-

Tempest: What? I'm just being realistic. So why can't we find him the person of his dreams? *grumbles*

Adam: I like women.

Tempest: *sarcasm* Sure you do, Adam. 

Sparkle: *scoots a little close to Adam* Of course, he likes women.

Tempest: I've got three words for the both you -- Repressed Gay Boy. It's NOT a bad thing.  And I know a good psychologist who can help you get these feelings out. They're natural and you should embrace them -- *stops talking when she realizes everyone is staring oddly at her* I was just trying to help.

Adam: …

Sparkle: MOVING ON! *takes out a sheet with a long list of questions*

Tempest: You're not serious.

Sparkle: You really are a bitter bitch aren't you? *Tempest glowers* I mean that in the nicest way possible. *turns attention back to Adam* So, Adam, how do you prefer your _women *glares at Tempest* to behave?_

Tempest: *mutters*

Adam: *things* Well, I like girls who --

Tempest: YOU DO NOT LIKE GIRLS! 

Sparkle: Ignore her. She has Tourette's syndrome. Go on with your response.

Adam: I like girls who aren't too flashy, someone who isn't too wild, a sensible girl who can hold an intelligent conversation, but that's not to say that I don't want her to be herself. A girl shouldn't have to change herself for me.

Tempest: BAHAHAHAHA… *wipes tears of laughter from eyes* Where did you get that? Cosmo? 

Sparkle: *drools* I thought it was beautiful. 

Adam: *smiles* You're a nice lady.

Sparkle: ^______^

Tempest: This is getting disgusting. I get to ask the next question. *snatches paper from Sparkle before she can protest and scans it while mocking the question* What's your sign? Do you want to get married? WHO WROTE THIS SHIT? *looks at Sparkle who blushes* Okay, here's a good one. What physical characteristics do you look for in your men… I mean women… I mean… oh bother.

Adam: Well… hey you said men first… *looks to Sparkle from protection from the evil Tempest*

Tempest: ehehehe… It was a slip of the tongue. Just answer the question!

Adam: I like tall girls with long hair and gentle eyes and… *trails off*

Tempest and Sparkle: And? 

-Adam looks reluctant to keep going-

Tempest: You can say it I won't tease you.

Adam: Big *makes a hand motion to indicate breasts*

Tempest: *falls over* STOP LYING! YOU DON'T LIKE BOOBS! 

Adam: She hates me doesn't she?

Sparkle: *nods enthusiastically* Yes, but she hates everyone.

Adam: That explains a lot.

Sparkle: Anyhoo… next question!

Adam: Shoot.

Sparkle: Where would you take a girl on a first date?

Adam: To a dinner and movie I guess… *shrugs*

Sparkle: Okay, Tempest?

Tempest: *smiles scarily and opens mouth to ask question*

Sparkle: Don't you dare ask him anything concerning his sexual preference.

Tempest: *innocent look* I wouldn't dare. ARE YOU TRYING TO CALL ME TACTLESS AND MOUTHY? *Sparkle nods* I don't have have to take this. I am taking a coffee break. Excuseme!  *Tempest runs away*

Sparkle: *suspicious* Wonder where she's going in such a hurry? I guess I'll have to continue on with the interview then.

-Sparkle continues to interview and notices an hour later that Tempest still hasn't returned*

Sparkle: Damn, I wonder where Tempest is.

Adam: *says hopefully* Maybe she died. 

Sparkle: I don't know about that.  I think we should find her.

Adam: We? I don't even like her.

Sparkle: *drags Adam along behind her as she looks for Tempest* TEMPEST WHERE ARE YOU?

-Sparkle hears noises coming from the room where the tied up boys are-

Sparkle: OH NO! SHE'S FOUND THE BOY STASH!

Adam: That's a bad thing?

Sparkle: That's a very bad thing. *rushes to the room and opens the door* TEMPEST!

-Tempest is glomped to tied-up Dean Portman's leg, smiling happily. He's trying in unsuccessfully to shake her off.-

Tempest: Must…glomp… for… dear… life…

Sparkle: *unglomps Tempest and drag her and Adam back to their makeshift studio* Tempest you can't go around attacking the clientele.

Tempest: And just why the hell not?

Sparkle: It's not very  professional-like. *says importantly*

Tempest: And drooling over a boy in denial is? 

Adam: I'm not in denial.

Tempest: I saw the way you were looking at Charlie. You've got to get up pretty darn early to fool the Tempest.

Adam: I have no idea what you are talking about.

Tempest: Sure you do.  *mocking* Who wouldn't fall into the trap of those lovely eyes and that soft hair? And those oh-so kissable lips.

Adam:… *drools on Tempest's shoe*

Tempest: EW YOU DROOLED ON ME. Oh I've gots to cut you now. 

-Adam jumps behind Sparkle-

Sparkle: We'd better end this before it gets ugly. So in conclusion… Adam likes women --

Tempest: *pipes in* MEN!

Sparkle: Adam likes WOMEN who are feminine but not shoddy. He likes a girl who is smart and sophisticated. Flashy isn't his thing.

Tempest: Adam likes a _person who enjoys a good dinner and movie, someone who doesn't need to be pampered all the damn time. He doesn't mind pampering someone who deserves it, not someone who demands it._

Sparkle: How did you know that?

Tempest: I heard the rest of the interview! *huffs* I was glomped to Dean not struck deaf. 

Sparkle: Okay… Adam is an attentive and caring lover. Even though he tries to hold all his feelings in, he needs someone who will be there for him and lend a shoulder to cry on. 

-Tempest holds up a large sign that says, **"WOMEN NEED NOT APPLY" and quickly hides it behind the sofa when Sparkle looks at her-**

Tempest: He also needs someone who isn't serious all the time. He's a no-nonsense type of person, but deep down inside he does have a playful side. So get out there and get your man Fellas! *sparkle glares* I mean people.

Sparkle: *turns to Adam* It was a pleasure having you on the show. I know you'll meet the GIRL of your dreams.  *shakes Adam's hand*

Adam: It was interesting, but I do have one request. 

Sparkle: What's that?

Adam: Don't you psychos ever contact me again, and you can let go of my hand now. *tries to pull his hand away from Sparkle*

Sparkle: I thought you might wanna you know hang out. *attaches herself to Adam's leg* PLEASE DON'T LEAVE US!

Tempest: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… LEAVE! THIS WAS FRIGHTFULLY DULL. *looks out toward FF.net land* 

-Tempest begins to try to pry a crying Sparkle off Adam's leg- 

*

Sorry about that guys something weird is going on with my word and it makes my spaces too large. - RnbwRvrGrl


	2. Ken Wu

Title: So You Wanna Date A Duck?

Author(s): RnbwRvrGrl (Sparkle) and Digital Tempest

Rating: PG-13, we guess

Summary: Two very bored authors bring you an odd fic that came from an MSN messenger conversation. It's odd, extremely odd. You have been properly warned. ^_^

Authors' Notes: Don't kill us we were just having fun. Flame if you must but Flames toast s'mores!

**-x-**

*Tempest and Sparkle are seen sitting on the couch. Tempest is chomping on ice while Sparkle is glaring at her.*

Sparkle: Do you really have to do that?

Tempest: Do what? *chomps loudly on ice*

Sparkle: *annoyed* THAT!!

Tempest: No, I don't have to do it. *continues to chomp loudly* But I want to.

Sparkle: Okay, Okay. We have a guest coming. Can't you be a little courteous? 

Tempest: Who is it?

Sparkle: Delia.

Tempest: *sits straight up* DELIA?

-As if on cue, Delia (GryffindorSweety) waltzes through the door.-

Delia: Hello, my wonderful friends and thanks for inviting me to join you.

Tempest: I thought you were on a Harry Potter kick now. *surprised*

Delia: I am, I'm here for to become Draco Malfoy's love slave, right? Sparkle said so. So, where's Draco? He's suppose to be here right? Where is he? Huh? Huh? Huh?

-Both girls look at Sparkle who's slowly inching her way towards the door-

Tempest: Delia this fic is called 'So You Wanna Date a Duck', not 'So You Wanna Date A Harry Potter Guy… Person' *all three girls' eyes light up with an idea* Besides, everyone knows Draco wants Snape in the worst way. 

Delia: HOW DARE YOU TAINT THE GOOD NAME OF MY SECRET LOVER! *turns to Sparkle* I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! *shakes a fist*

Sparkle: He's not so secret if you tell everyone about it.

Delia: Oh right…

Tempest: *claps hand* Alright, shouldn't it be time to bring out the guy… Today's interviewee should be… Charlie

Sparkle: *says at the same time* Ken.

Tempest: *deadpan* How in the world did you get Ken? You said we were going in alphabetical order by first names.

Sparkle: I changed my mind. We're going in alphabetical order by last names, starting with the letters at the end of the alphabet first. Ken's last name is Wu. So he's next. 

Delia: *whispers to Tempest* She's rigged it hasn't she?

Tempest: *nods*

Sparkle: I can still hear you! Ken Wu, Charlie Conway, does it matter who goes first?

Delia: Who in the blue hell is Ken Wu? And who in the hell is Charlie?

Tempest: *says to Sparkle* You would have invite someone who doesn't know what The Might Ducks is, wouldn't you? 

Delia: DUCKIES! *squeals happily* I LIKE DUCKIES!

Tempest: Boy, it's going to be a long chapter. I wonder if it's too late for me to quit. 

Sparkle: They're not actual ducks, Delia. They're boys, and we've taken it upon ourselves --

Tempest: She's taken it upon herself. I was kidnapped.

Sparkle: *frowns at Tempest* AS I WAS SAYING, we've taken it upon ourselves to find them dates.

Delia: She's gone mad, hasn't she?

Tempest: 'fraid so.

Delia: I thought so. 

Tempest: They play hockey.

Delia: *wrinkles nose* But that's a muggle sport

Tempest: o_O;; Someone save me… please…

Sparkle:  You sit on that couch okay, Delia. We have to make the boy comfortable between us here on this sofa.

Delia: What the hell is she talking about?

Tempest: Please, ask no questions, and we'll get out of this madhouse soon. Just be bitter and cynical like me, and we'll get out of here even faster.

Sparkle: ON WITH THE BOY!

-Ken walks into the room uncertainly, and Sparkles runs up to him and hugs him tightly.-

Ken: …

Delia: You're cutting the oxygen off to his brain!

Sparkle: *lets  go of Ken* I love you. I made you a sweater.

Delia and Tempest: A SWEATER?

-Sparkle produces a badly knitted sweater from behind the couch and beams proudly.-

Sparkle: Here I made this for you. It's even got your name on it. *hands Ken the sweater*

Ken: …thanks… I think.

Tempest: *snickers* Burn it as soon as possible.

Sparkle: Hey! I worked hard on that.

Tempest: Have a seat, so we can get down to business. I'm hungry as heck, and I want to get out of delirium soon.

-Ken sits in between Sparkle and Tempest. He looks slightly scared.-

Delia: You're pretty. *jumps in Ken's lap* Can I take him home with me?

Ken:…

Delia: You don't talk much do ya? *huggles Ken* Well, that's okay. I like my men dumb and quiet.

Tempest: *pushes Delia onto the floor* Stop it. You're scaring him.

Delia: You two scared him first. *glomps to Ken's leg* It's okay, I'll protect  you.

Tempest: *says to ken* Don't mind her. We don't let her out the kennel much. 

Sparkle: Let's get on with the questions. Ken, what kind of woman do you prefer?

Ken: *opens mouth to say something but is cut off by Delia*

Delia: ME! HE LIKES ME! I'M THE IDEA WOMAN. 

Tempest, Sparkle, and Ken: o_O;;

Tempest: Delia will you let the boy say something??

Delia: Oh right…

Sparkle: Go ahead Kenny. The madwoman will be quiet only for a few seconds.

Ken: I like…

Delia: *screams* ME, THAT'S 100% ME!

Ken: *ignores Delia* girls who like to have fun, but she doesn't have to be a daredevil or anything. I don't like girls who are too serious, you know.

Delia: HEY THAT'S ME! *waves hands frantically*

Ken: Is she on medication?

Sparkle: I don't know, but she should be.

Delia: The doctor says we're okay.

Ken: We?

Delia: Yeah, me and my other personality. *begins to wiggle as Tempest pulls her off Ken*

Ken: *whimpers* Is the crazy person going to hurt me?

Sparkle: *half-heartedly* No, of course not! We'd never let her do that.

Delia: *knocks Tempest over and runs toward Ken* 

-Delia chases Ken around the couch while Sparkle checks on Tempest-

Tempest: I hate this job. I'm always getting hit. 

Sparkle: We're not going to get any interviewing done are we?

Tempest: No… wait… *eyes light up* I think I have a plan. 

-Tempest uses the magical power of the keyboard to make Tom Felton aka. Movie!Draco fall out of the sky and land on the couch-

Tom: Where am I?

Delia: *facefaults* DRACO!!!

Tom: o_O;; No, I'm Tom Felton. Draco is a character I play in a movie.

Delia: DRACO I LOVE YOU! *squees as she jumps on Tom Felton* 

Tom: HELP! HELP! 

Delia: *plants kisses on his face* We're going to get married, and we're going to have a million kids, and we're going to kick Harry's ass, and we're going to live happily ever after.

Sparkle: You shouldn't have done that.

Tempest: *sigh* You're right. *types more on the magical keyboard and Tom disappears out of Delia's arms.*

Delia: *Hayan!* WHERE DID HE GO? *cries, and then spots ken trying to make a break for it.* HEY YOU!

Sparkle: *jumps on Delia and Tempest produces the magical duct tape* We're going to have to tie you down missy.

-They drag Delia over to the chair and duct tape  her to it.-

Sparkle, Tempest, and Ken: *phew*

Sparkle: Let's get on with this interview.

Delia: mphffff!!

-Everyone ignores Delia.-

Tempest: So Ken, tell us a little more about your dream woman.

Ken: Well, she's gotta be the type who enjoys doing something sporty like rollerblading, but she also enjoys doing something classy. I'm not too picky on looks at long as she's decent and has boobs.

Tempest: *thwaps Ken for saying boobs* You watch your mouth, young man. This is a family show… eh… who am I kidding?

Ken: … *cowers away from the evil Tempest*

Sparkle: What is it with guys and boobs?

Tempest: I don't know. I guess they're fun to look at. 

-Everyone's oblivious of Delia's who's chewed through her bindings. She runs across the room, snatches Ken up with a maniacal laugh, and disappears into 

the night.-

Sparkle: Did we just lose Ken?

Tempest: I think we did, and we didn't even get to get to get in depth. Poor, kid, couldn't even get a word out of his mouth for that hussy. 

Sparkle: I shouldn't have invited her, should I?

Tempest: You know she's obsessive-compulsive. What  do you think?

Sparkle: Man, we lost Ken.

Tempest: You just said that. =\

Sparkle: Since she kidnapped him, does that mean he's not available?

Tempest: It would look that way.

Sparkle: *beams* See, I told you it would work.

Tempest: *nonplussed* But it wasn't mutual. Oh well, you didn't say it had to be mutual. I wonder how Adam's doing.

-cut scene to Adam struggling in the trunk of Sparkle's car.-

Sparkle: He's okay. I hear he's found him someone real nice. 

Tempest: Well isn't that special. Is it a guy I know?

Sparkle: It's not a guy you know, but you them. *smiles evilly*

Tempest: Who are we interviewing next?  Dean Portman?*says in a hopeful voice*

Sparkle: *cast Tempest a knowing look* I don't know, but I know I won't be inviting Delia. We might have to go get Ken back.

Tempest: I can't believe kidnapped the kid. We didn't even get a chance to talk to him. Maybe it will be up to use to go rescue him. Next time, invite someone a little more saner.

Sparkle: Like who? We're all mad here. 

Tempest: *sings* We're all crazy, and we're…

*

Will the ambiguously weird duo ever get Ken back? And who's their next victim? Find out at the same bat time in the same bat place!


	3. Les Averman

Title: So You Wanna Date A Duck?

Author(s): RnbwRvrGrl (Sparkle) and Digital Tempest

Rating: PG-13, we guess

Summary: Two very bored authors bring you an odd fic that came from an MSN messenger conversation. It's odd, extremely odd. You have been properly warned. ^_^

Authors' Notes: Don't kill us we were just having fun. Flame if you must but Flames toast s'mores!

**Additional Author's notes from Sparkle: Maybe I should mention that it's mostly me (Sparkle) working on this. Tempest is adamantly working on an outline to a story we're going to write together soonish. I got this from out MSN conversations, and I've made them into this just to give me something to do while she works on that. I said that both of us authored it cause well it comes from _our conversations. Hehehe. Yes, it's scary to know we act like this. Okay, that's all. Read on. -- Sparkle_**

**-x-**

-Sparkle and Tempest are staring at each other neither saying a word-

Tempest: Why are we staring at each other? Don't we have a show to do? Bring out the next boy and all that hoopla. So, who's next? Is it Dean? Cause I like Dean. *giggles* ^____^

Sparkle: I just can't do it. Poor Ken is gone, and it's all my fault. *tears up*

Tempest: *considers this for a moment* That's true. It _is your fault. If you had never invited Draco-obsessed Delia to provide color commentary, then Ken would still be around wouldn't he. Disney's going to be really angry with you for losing Ken. _

Sparkle: *says dryly* Thanks for being so caring, friend.

Tempest: Hey, that's what I do best. *shrugs shoulders* So does this mean no Dean right now?

Sparkle: Is that all you care about?

Tempest: Do you want me to tell you the truth or a lie?

Sparkle: *ignores Tempest and says tearfully* I think we should go get Ken. There's no telling what that evil wench is doing to him.

Tempest: I thought's that what you wanted. You should be proud of yourself; you've finally got one of your beloved Ducks paired off. I thought you wanted a girl to sweep him off his feet. *grins mockingly*

Sparkle: I didn't mean literally. *cries*

Tempest: …shoulda specified… *shakes head*

Sparkle: Oh, Tempest *throws on arm around Tempest's shoulders* It's up to use to save him now.

Tempest: Us? ¬.¬; *mutters* Us didn't get Ken Ducknapped by Delia. 

Sparkle: *ignore Tempest's remarks* Yes, we must change into our super hero gear and save Ken from certain death.

Tempest: I don't think Delia is going to kill him per se… *chuckles*

Sparkle: What makes you… *Tempest continues to chuckle* I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING AND THAT'S SICK! Besides, this is a PG-13 fic. 

Tempest: Damn, my evil plan has been foiled again. 

Sparkle: What was that?

Tempest: Oh nothing.

Sparkle: To the Sparkle cave, trusty sidekick.  

-A secret door opens and Sparkle starts to run toward it till she realizes Tempest isn't following her-

Tempest: I want to be the hero. 

Sparkle: But I'm the hero.

Tempest: No, you're not, and besides Tempest is a cooler superhero name than Sparkle. 

Sparkle: *jaw drops* Why I oughta --

Tempest: Well, let's both be the hero.

Sparkle: Okay, I'll be RnbwRvrGrl and you can be Tempest, and together *says in a superhero voice* we are the DIGITAL DIVAS!

Tempest: *smiles knowingly* It took you all night to come up with that, didn't it?

Sparkle: … 

-Five minutes later the girls are dressed in uncomfortable spandex suits. Sparkle uncomfortable spandex is multi-color and Tempest's is black.-

Tempest: My GAWD! How are we supposed to save Ken when we can't even save ourselves from the incredible shrinking spandex suits? Who's idea was it to wear spandex anyway?

-Both girls glare at each other-

Sparkle: It wasn't _my idea._

Tempest: Well, it sure as hell wasn't my idea, either. *digs spandex out of unmentionable places*

-They hear evil Godlike laughter, but can't find Nick-

Sparkle and Tempest: NICK!!

Nick (O.C.): YES, THIS IS PART OF MY DIABOLICIAL PLAN TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD. SHRINKING SPANDEX WILL BE YOUR DOWNFALL. FEAR ME. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *coughs, hacks*

Sparkle: He so dies after we save Ken.

Tempest: Agreed. TO THE DIVA MOBILE!

-Tempest and Sparkle run and hop in Tempest's '96 Rav 4, they drive until they see a big castle in the middle of nowhere-

Sparkle: Are you sure this is the right address?

Tempest: *whaps Sparkle* How could you ask something so dumb? Of course, this is the right address.

Sparkle: *looks up at the looming castle* Maybe, we should have called for backup.

Tempest: *winces as she hears Ken scream* What have you gotten us into?

Ken (O.C.): STAY BACK! AHHH!

Tempest: *gulps* I think we should just forget the whole thing.

-Sparkle and Tempest both o_O as they hear Ken yelp again-

Sparkle: B-but we gotta save Kenny. 

Tempest: And I'll point out again… WE didn't get Ken into this mess. 

Sparkle: I'm not going down alone. If I go down, we both go down.

Delia: *screeches* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA, IS THAT TEMPEST AND SPARKLE I SEE LURKING AT MY CASTLE DOOR? YOU WANT PIECE OF THIS?

-Both girls look at each other and jump back in the Rav 4- 

Sparkle: Get the eff outta here… AND FAST!

-drives as fast as they can back at the 'studio'-

Sparkle: Boy, we were almost goners.

Tempest: Tell me about it. Poor Ken.

Sparkle: Do you think those were actual screams of fear? Maybe, we were looking too much into the situation.

Tempest: PG-13 Fic, remember that. 

Sparkle: Does Ken really need saving?

Tempest: Didn't sound like it to me… okay, well, maybe just a little. But Delia is mad, we'll need more recruits. 

-Both girls ponder-

Sparkle:  We'll think about that later. Who do drive insane today… so many choices… so little time…

Tempest: Dean?

Sparkle: *smacks Tempest* Give it a break, dang it. 

Tempest: *smacks Sparkle back* But I like Dean.

Sparkle: Okay, okay. I know… Let's do…er… *Tempest looks hopeful* Les Averman, come on down.

Tempest: You really like vexing me don't you. *pouts*

-Averman walks through the door, looking as bewildered as his first two companions had-

Sparkle: Hiya, pal. *pats couch* Here have a seat.

Tempest: ehehehe… you've got red hair… purty…

Averman: ^____^

-Tempest starts tugging on Averman's hair-

Sparkle: *puzzled* Aren't you even going to ask who we are or why you're here?

Averman: Nope.

Tempest: *shrugs* Good enough for me.

Sparkle: Well that isn't good enough for me. That's Tempest, tugging on your hair like a madwoman, and I'm Sparkle. We're here to find you a girlfriend.

Averman: ALRIGHT!

Tempest: Or a boyfriend…

Averman: *deadpan* … are you insinuating something Ms. Tempest?

Tempest: *grins* Not at all, I'm just being realistic.

Sparkle: Don't mind her she gets her kicks out of teasing others as she did my poor Adam. We're going to introduce you to the girls out there in ff.net land. *points beyond the computer screen*

Tempest: _She's going to introduce you to the rabid fangurls. __I'm here by force cause she keeps writing me into this damn fic. I'm quitting after this chapter. I guaran-damn-tee it. _

Sparkle: *smirks* That's what you think.

Tempest: *produces Chinese handcuffs out of nowhere and puts her finger in one side* Here, stick your finger in the other side.

-Averman obeys-

Sparkle: Oi! She's caught her first victim.

-Sparkle watches amused as Averman tries to get his finger out of the Chinese handcuffs-

Tempest: *snickers* 

Averman: Hey, I can't get out.

Tempest: That's the point. *snickers more*

Averman: Are we going to have to stay like this forever?

Tempest: (_* Uhhh… I don't think so… My boyfriend doesn't like it when I bring strange men from my fanfics home. 

Averman: Damn. ~_~

Sparkle: *shakes head* Let's get down to what _we actually came here for. First question, if your date asked you what it was like being a Duck what would you say?_

Averman: *still trying to free himself from the evil Tempest* Well, since I'm the best player on the team…*both girls snicker* what? I'd say since I'm the best player on the team it's awesome. *Tempest and Sparkle burst out in fits of laughter*

Tempest: Everyone knows that Dean's the best player on the team *dreamy sigh*

Sparkle: Whatever. Adam is the best damn player on the team.

Averman: Speaking of Adam, is he still alive?

Sparkle: *sweatdrop*

Tempest: He should be. I guess I should call and check on him and see did his lover ever come out about really being a man…

-Cut scène to Adam chained down in Sparkle's living room-

Sparkle: HEY! I resent that!

Tempest: Why? *raises eyebrow* You're not his man lover… are you?

Sparkle: *facefault* OF COURSE NOT! I'm not even a man, and who says Adam's gay besides you anyway? *Averman starts to raise one hand till Sparkle gives him the evil eye* Adam isn't who we're here to talk about. We're here to help Averman.

Tempest: Let's hope you don't get him Ducknapped by some crazed fan girl like you did Ken.

Averman: O_O You got Ken Ducknapped??

Sparkle: That's just a minor technicality *whispers to Tempest* Stop, it you're going to scare him away.

Tempest: I was just stating the facts. We don't want another missing person.

Averman: …

Sparkle: I don't think there's any chance of that happening while you have him connected to your finger.

Tempest: Fair enough, next question… So what's it like being on the same team as Dean? Is he swoon-worthy all the time?

Averman: *_* Why are you asking me that? I don't 'swoon' over Dean.

Tempest: WHAT?! That's blasphemy. *raises her free hand to strike Averman, but Sparkle stops her*

Sparkle: *strained chuckle* She didn't mean to ask that. What she meant to ask was what kind of woman do you prefer?

Averman: There has to be prerequisites? Okay… er… she has to be a laugher cause I tell a lot of jokes… and she has to like hockey… and she can't be mean… well she can be a little mean as long as she has boobs --

Tempest: *thwaps Averman* Is that all you confounded boys care about… Boobs? Jesus, I'm starting to think you all have boob envy. 

Sparkle: Oi… the boob issue…

Tempest: I swear they're jealous of our boobs. I'll --

Sparkle: *says quickly before Tempest goes on her tirade* Next question…

Tempest: Where would you take a girl on a first date? 

Averman: To a comedy club of course.

Tempest: Thank God, finally, someone who doesn't do the boring dinner and a movie.

Sparkle: *says happily* This has been a totally chaos free (for the most part) chapter. We might get something accomplished. 

-Tempest is taunting Averman because he can't escape the Chinese handcuffs*

Tempest: Wanna thumb wrestle?

Averman: Sure…

Tempest and Averman: 1,2,3,4. I declare thumb war *both begin to thumb wrestle with their free hands as if their life depended on it*

Sparkle: The shit I put up with… *sighs* What type of gift would you like to receive from a girl?

Averman: I don't know. Something silly and funny, I suppose. *groans at Tempest pins him for the three count*

Tempest: *sings* I AM THE CHAMPION MY FRIEND! AND I'LL KEEP ON FIGHTING TO THE END… *releases herself and Averman from the Chinese handcuffs as she takes another deep breath to sing.*

Sparkle: *covers her ears and screams in pain* NOOOOOOOO!

-Celestial chorus music plays-

Nick (O.C.): NAY DARE NOT SING EVIL TEMPEST FOR YOU ARE VERY BAD. 

-Averman looks up at the ceiling as the celestial chorus sings-

Averman: Is that you God? *folds hands*

Tempest: *annoyed* That's not got God. That's just some annoying boy who keeps popping up in the fic now. *screams at the ceiling* WHEN I FIND YOU NICK, I'M GONNA KEEL YOU!

Averman: O_O b-but that was God there was celestial chorus and everything. 

Tempest: That was Nick not God. 

Averman: THAT WAS GOD!

Tempest: NICK!

Averman: GOD!

Tempest: NICK!

-This goes on until-

Averman: *folds hands again* Father God, it's me, Averman, and I think you should strike this heathen down for her impudence. 

Tempest: HEATHEN! I'LL SHOW YOU A HEATHEN! *the mighty smiting stick descends from the sky* I'M GOING TO SMOTE YOU!

Sparkle: *snatches the stick away from Tempest* Okay, I think we'd better wrap this up cause er…I've got class in the morning, and you two are starting to lose it. 

Tempest: *stalks away muttering curse words*

-Wolverine and Gambit falls out the sky-

Sparkle and Averman: o_O;; WHERE THE HELL DID THEY COME FROM?

-They both look accusingly at Tempest who shoves the magical keyboard behind her back-

Tempest: Nice weather we're having. It's raining men, Hallelujah. *nervous chuckle* Too bad, Adam couldn't be here the day it decided to rain men.

Sparkle: *grits her teeth*

-Tempest jumps in Gambit's arms.-

Tempest: Well, hello there. Do you come here often?

Gambit: *deadpan* How we git he'e? Dis ain't w'ere we 'pose to be, mon ami.

Wolverine: I don't know, but *unsheathes claws* we're about to fix the situation. 

Sparkle: *screams* Scary man with claws

Averman: *screams louder* Very scary man with very sharp claws

-Averman and Sparkle cling to each other, but Tempest is happily ignorant to the situation as she cuddles Gambit.-

Sparkle: *looks at Averman* You think we should tell him that he's in the wrong place.

Averman: Can you say big, scary claws? *gulps*

Tempest: *sighs* I LOVE YOU. WILL YOU HAVE MY BABIES? BOTH OF YOU! *stares lovingly at Wolverine from Gambit's arms*

Sparkle: *still clinging to Averman, scared wolverine might cut her* I hate to tell you this, but they're very much in the wrong fandom. And not only that, Wolverine looks like he's in eradicate mode.

Tempest: *mocks* He's no match for the rabid, obsessed fangurl and her glomp of doom. *jumps out of Gambits arms and glomps Wolverine* Oh, Wolvie.

Averman: This is really scary. o_O;; Is she always like that? 

Sparkle: No, she usually hates everyone. I think someone put something in her water, but don't worry, Averman, I'll make everything right.

Tempest: *continues to glomp wolverine while Gambit sneaks up on her for the attack*

Wolverine: *snarls* I can't feel my arms. Get the [expletive deleted] off of me before I [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted].

Tempest: *glomps for dear life* BUT I LURVE YOU!  

Averman: (_* I thought this was a PG-13 Fic.

Sparkle: It is. Everyone out there in ff.net world sees the words 'expletive deleted'. We see the actual words.

Averman: *says dreamily* You're so smart. 

Sparkle: Er… right.

-Tempest is now glomping both Gambit and Wolverine-

Sparkle: Oh, no. It's the double glomp of doom. They'll never get out of that. 

-Sparkle quickly gets the magical keyboard and remedies the problem-

Tempest: Wha?  They disappeared. I was just making them fall for me. *cries* I HATE YOU! *runs away*

Sparkle: Oh God, random characters, obsessed fangurls, can this fic get anymore insane? 

Averman: Hey, wanna go out? ^_~

Sparkle:… *runs after Tempest*

*

Will the duo stop being a'scared and save Ken? XD What the hell are these girls smoking? This can't be natural. Blame it on caffeine and too many late night conversations! ^_^


	4. Intermission

Title: So You Wanna Date A Duck?

Author(s): RnbwRvrGrl (Sparkle) and Digital Tempest

Rating: PG-13, we guess

Summary: Two very bored authors bring you an odd fic that came from an MSN messenger conversation. It's odd, extremely odd. You have been properly warned. ^_^

Authors' Notes: Don't kill us we were just having fun. Flame if you must but Flames toast s'mores!

**Additional Author's notes from Sparkle: Maybe I should mention that it's mostly me (Sparkle) working on this. Tempest is adamantly working on an outline to a story we're going to write together soonish, but she does put feedback into it. Most of this is derived from random stuff from our MSN conversations. Hehehe. Yes, it's scary to know we act like this, but trust me this is just the tip of iceberg in our oddness. ^_^ Okay, that's all. Read on. -- Sparkle**

**-x-**

-Sparkle is scolding a very sad Tempest-

Sparkle: *says sternly* You apologize to all the good people out there in ff.net land. 

Tempest: *gulps* But I don't wanna!

Sparkle: Tempest…

-Tempest walks to the middle of the room with her head held down.-

Tempest: *sniffles* I'm sorry f-for… *whispers to Sparkle* What am _I sorry for?_

Sparkle: *frowns* TEMPEST!

Tempest: ~_~ Oh, alright. *huffs* I'm sorry for causing all that pandemonium in the last chapter. I promise that I won't write in any random characters from X-Men or Harry Potter anymore. *snickers* And if any of you feel cheated, _she'd be more than happy to give Averman another go. _

Sparkle: *beams* Now, was that so hard? 

Tempest: *sulks and sits down on the couch* I'm not supposed to be in the chapter anyway. Didn't you get my letter of resignation? IS THAT MY LETTER YOU'RE BURNING?

-Sparkle is torching a letter and saying, "oooo, pretty"-

Tempest: *cries* I'm never going to get out of this fic, am I? 

Sparkle: You can get out over my dead body.

Tempest: *gives Sparkle a steely glower* That can be arranged. I'm quite proficient with sharp objects. 

Sparkle: O_O Me and my big mouth. *gulps and thanks her stars the phone rang.*

Tempest: *looks around* We have a phone?

Sparkle: *nods*

Tempest: You mean I coulda phoned myself out of this insanity?

Sparkle: *avoids the topic* Someone needs to get the phone. It's under the couch. 

Tempest: What's it doing there? Were you trying to hide it from moi? 

Sparkle: *innocent* No, I would never do a thing like that.

Tempest: Sure, you wouldn't. *digs phone from under couch and stares at it.*

Sparkle: Answer the phone, Tempest. 

Tempest: You said _'get' the phone._

Sparkle: YOU KNEW WHAT I MEANT!

Tempest: Shoulda specified… 

Sparkle: Smartass. Answer the phone.

Tempest: *picks up the receiver* Hello… ah… really *pulls phone away from her ear and winces* WOO! I'm not deaf, dumb, or incompetent you know. You can speak softer. *Tempest nods head and looks at Sparkle out of the corner of her eye*… I think you should talk to my associate about that… no, no, I know nothing…

Sparkle: *asks suspiciously* Who's that Tempest?

Tempest: *puts her hand to the mouthpiece* IT'S DISNEY! THEY WANT THEIR GODDAMN DUCKS BACK!

Sparkle: o_O;;

Tempest: I'm just repeating what the man on the phone said. *starts back to talking on the phone* Oh, really… that's interesting… smoke signals you say… an S.O.D… Save Our Ducks… hey, that's witty… from 2121 Fanfiction.net Lane, you say? That address sounds familiar.

-Sparkle grabs the phone and slams it down-

Sparkle: You're not to answer that damn phone anymore. The nerve of those people trying to ruin _our big thing. They're just jealous they didn't think of it first._

Tempest: There are smoke signals coming from 2121 Fanfiction.net Lane, apparently someone thinks the Ducks need saving. *shifts eyes to Sparkle* 

Sparkle: *sweatdrop* Yeah, so?

Tempest: Isn't 2121 Fanfiction.net Lane where you reside Sparkle?

Sparkle: *says innocently* Why yes, I believe it is.

Tempest: So why would someone be sending smoke signals to your house? You're hiding Adam there aren't you? 

*snarls* You'll never take me alive?

Tempest: It's sad enough to deal with him being in denial, but et tu, Sparklus? Well, somehow he's gotten out of your chains and he's probably burned your house down like a good fire kitty. 

Sparkle: o_O;; Did you just call him Fire Kitty?

Tempest: What would you rather I call him? Pussycat? *meows* And more importantly shouldn't you be worried about your house? I mean it could be up in flames with Adam _in there. Let's hope he wasn't that dumb though._

-Sparkle runs out the door. Tempest hears a car pull off with a loud squeal-

Tempest: Hmm… alright then… *takes out the magical keyboard to amuse herself, but is unable to use it as Sparkle comes running back through the door*

Sparkle: My house is fine. My grass is a little scorched and that bear rug my Aunt Ida gave me is ruined, but the house is fine. I never liked that rug anyway. I wonder how he made those chains stretch so far…

Tempest: So you admit your hiding him.

Sparkle: I admit nothing. 

Tempest: I don't want to end up in some state penitentiary. It would be my luck I'd end up being the girlfriend to some violent femme named Rocky. 

Sparkle: You should be more cheerful about this.

Tempest: *grumbles*

Sparkle: *says happily* On to more cheery subject… Today I thought we might to something different…

Tempest: *says worriedly* Different?

Sparkle: Don't worry, it'll be fun. ^______^

Tempest: I don't like the sound of this already. *sweatdrop*

Sparkle: I think you'll like this.

Tempest: Does it involve Dean?

Sparkle: *gives Tempest a withering look*

Tempest: GEEZUS, I had to ask. Well, if doesn't involve Dean, it can't be too much fun. *rolls eyes and mutters*

Sparkle: We're going to answer our reviews. We got some really nice ones you know. 

Tempest: So, we're having mail time. Isn't this _speshal?_

Sparkle: It's just going to be a little intermission.

Tempest: So, in other words you're giving everyone a milk and cookie break. Does that mean there are no Ducks this chapter?S *watches as the readers scurry away at the mention of no Ducks this chapter*

Sparkle: I didn't say that *readers come running back* I just don't know. We'll see what pops up. *readers grumble and walk away again*

Tempest: *tries to sneak off with the readers*

Sparkle: WHERE YA GOING TEMPEST?

Tempest: *cringes* Nowhere. =\

Sparkle: Anyhow *pulls out a random review* This comes from Meme and she says: That's wicked cute. Omg. While I objected to the fact my two fave ducks Adam and Portman are being violated by someone other then me, it's still funny. Write more soon.

Tempest: ^_^ Thanks, we think you're wicked cute too. And don't worry _I promise to return Portman before curfew unharmed. I don't know about Sparkle though. You might be hard-pressed to get Adam back._

Sparkle: *says in cavegirl voice* ADAM! MINE! 

-Tempest slaps Sparkle soundly across the face.-

Tempest: SNAP OUT OF IT GIRL!

Sparkle: *blushes* Er… Adam… is…  er… missing… So, he might not make it for curfew. *shifts eyes* OKAY! *claps hands* Next random review. This comes from Nick (ShastyMcNasty): So, I'm God now. =D I accept the position. Heh.

Tempest: YOU SHALL DIE NICK!

Sparkle: AGREES!

Nick (o.c): NAY, NICK SHALL NOT DIE FOR HE IS  GOD!

Tempest: I'm going to kill him.

Sparkle: *says quickly* Next review… Charismatic says: This is just so *snorts with laughter* funny! *nods* Tempest, you cracked me up (Yes Banks is soooo obvoiusly gay!). And Sparkle, I found your fixatin WITH Adam highly amusing. Keep up the great work!

Tempest: *beams* See I know I wasn't the only one who thought that Adam was gay.

Sparkle: *cries* He's not gay! You people are just lost!

Tempest: Haha, thanks for the review(s) Charismatic. It's nice to see that people realize I'm a lot smarter than I look. *pulls a random review out the review bag* This one comes from Jenstar: Funny, I like it. Who's gonna get Charlie?? Charlie is my fave.. Don't hurt him! Keep writing!!

Sparkle: Thanks for the review, Jen. Well, I have no intentions of being mean to Charlie. Tempest?

Tempest: *twiddles thumbs and whistle*

Sparkle: TEMPEST!

Tempest: *deadpan* I don't make promises I can't keep. 

Sparkle: You will not be mean to Charlie. You've said so yourself, you think Charlie is adorable.

Tempest: But being mean is fun!

Sparkle: *says to Jenstar* Tempest will make a conscious effort to be nice.

Tempest: Yeah, okay. *sarcasm* Do you think they really believe that?

Sparkle: Next review comes from Joyful: I LOVE IT! I want in! Heh, if you want another meandering crazy person in your msn convos add dancing_cow_tipper@hotmail.com hehehe. I LOE THIS FIC! ! ! ! ! MORE! ! ! ! ooooooooooooo, can Lex Luthor be added to be glomped with Dean? *hopes* hmmmm *contemplates Dean Portman/Lex Lutr slash* Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. . ..

Tempest: Lex Luthor/Dean Portman slash? *drools* We are talking about young Lex from Smallville right… *drools more* Yum, young Lex… Dean… WEE! Clark! Menage a threesome *faints*

Sparkle: Jesus, can she say that in a PG-13 fic? Anyway, to address the entering of other people in this fic. I would love to add you all. The conversations themselves took place in one day and it was REALLY long, but I will always add more people. :) The only thing I'm concerned about is making you appear in a manner you don't _want to. So, if you can give me some insight on how you want to be portrayed, favorite Ducks and the like, there's always room for more. :)  You can email it to me at RnBwRvrGrl@cherriemail.com or leave it in a review. Make sure to leave an email addy, so I can get back to you, too. Can somebody please revive Tempest._

-Two of the lackey guys walk in the room and argue who's going to give her mouth to mouth. Oddly enough they look like The Rock and Chris Jericho. Sparkle realizes this is Tempest's doing.-

Lackey Rock: I'm going to give her mouth to mouth. *puses Lackey Jericho*

Lackey Jericho: NOOO, you get to do everything. It's my turn! *pushes Lackey Rock*

-Tempest opens one eye and smiles slyly, and then quickly closes her eyes when she sees that others are looking-

Lackey Rock: Paper, rock, scissors…

Lackey Jericho: On three…

-Sparkle watches as they play RPS, and Lackey Rock wins with rock (of course).-

Laxkey Jericho: No fair.

Sparkle: *attaches herself to Jericho* I'll take care of you. You'll be a fine specimen to add to my collection of yummy males.

Tempest: *squeals* IT'S THE ROCK!! *glomps*

-Sparkle pries Tempest off Lackey Rock-

Sparkle: I thought I told you no more cross fandomizing…

Tempest: You said X-Men and Harry Potter.

Sparkle: Why you --

Tempest: NEXT REVIEW! This comes from Cake Eater: aaaw, poor kenny. i hope he's ok. and let adam get his MAN! hehe i raised my hand too when asked who else thinks adam's gay! any chance of me being the lucky girl who get's guy germaine?!?! oooooh i hope so!!!!

Sparkle: Thanks for your review Cake Eater. We're still working on getting him back. =\ *ignores the comment about Adam being gay while Tempest gloats*

Tempest: We? Why is there this WE? YOU got Kenny ducknapped. 

Sparkle: But you're suppose to be my friend.

Tempest: WOO! Moving on. To answer the rest of the review… Guy… *taps head* Is he available? I thought he was with you know…

Sparkle: *wiggles eyebrows* Remember we shipped you know who to Alaska, so Guy is very much free. 

Tempest: Oh yeah, well there ya go! He is free! Now, you get your man, Cake Eater! 

Sparkle: One more review before we go, and Dana says, "This was just odd. BUt i liked it."

Tempest: Thanks for that review. *beams proudly at apart of something odd, but liked* Sometimes, we just can't help ourselves. 

Sparkle: *beams as well* Well, folks, that looks like that's about all from us right now. Thank you all for your reviews. We appreciate them very much. *shameless plug cause she loves Tempest very much* Check out Tempest's  new TEMPESTUATING  (don't ask) fic "Breaking Up the Girl"

Tempest: *sniffles* That was so sqweet! *shamless plug for Sparkle cause Sparkle rawks the cabash* If you're into So Little Time, make sure you check out Sparkles SPARKTACULAR fic "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"

Sparkle: That's all folks ;) 

Delia (O.C.): HEY WHAT ABOUT MY REVIEWS!

Tempest: We purposefully ignored your reviews Delia cause you STOLE Ken.  GIVE HIM BACK!

Delia (O.C): MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…. NEVAH!!

Sparkle: Don't worry I have a plan…

Tempest: You always say that, and they NEVER work…

*

Next chapter soon! Didn't read over this much, excuse my mistakes. - Sparklej


	5. Luis Mendoza

Title: So You Wanna Date A Duck?

Author(s): RnbwRvrGrl (Sparkle) and Digital Tempest

Rating: PG-13, we guess

Summary: Two very bored authors bring you an odd fic that came from an MSN messenger conversation. It's odd, extremely odd. You have been properly warned. ^_^

Authors' Notes: Don't kill us we were just having fun. Flame if you must but Flames toast s'mores!

**Additional Author's notes from Sparkle: Maybe I should mention that it's mostly me (Sparkle) working on this. Tempest is adamantly working on an outline to a story we're going to write together soonish, but she does put feedback into it. Most of this is derived from random stuff from our MSN conversations. Hehehe. Yes, it's scary to know we act like this, but trust me this is just the tip of iceberg in our oddness. ^_^ Okay, that's all. Read on. -- Sparkle**

**-x-**

-Sparkle and Tempest enter the room together and sit on the couch-

Tempest: It's about time you updated this damn fic. I'm sure everyone was worried about us. I bet they thought we got burned down in your house by the duck you didn't kidnap. *glares*

Sparkle: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Geez, give me a break already. But on to better news! We have guest today!

Tempest: *cringes in fear* Oh no! Not more guest. You remember what happened last time.

-Cut scene to Ken being kidnapped by Delia.-

Sparkle: You have to keep bringing that up don't you. Don't worry. I've checked all their references. They're halfway sane this time. Well… maybe not, but they won't kidnap anyone… at least I don't think… TRUST ME! ^_^

Tempest: _They as in more than one? *gulps* Oh boy, I don't think I'm feeling too well. _

Sparkle: ^______^ This will be fun! Where's your sense of camaraderie? They are after all authors here on FFnet.

Tempest: All the more reason for me to fear them, but what can I do? You're the one writing this fic. Bring on the guests. 

-Sparkle takes out the magical keyboard and types away. Suddenly the sky opens up and out of the heavens appears Drake (Angelic Dragon) and Cake Eater.-

Tempest: O_O Heeeeeey, that was pretty impressive stuff.  You're getting crafty with that keyboard.

Sparkle: Why thank you, Tempest. May I introduce you to Ms. Drake and Ms. Cake Eater?

Tempest: Pleased to make your acquaintance. *bows deeply*

Drake & Cake Eater: Pleased to meet you as well *mimicks Tempest's bow*

Sparkle: Now Drake and Cake Eater meet each other.

-Drake and Cake Eater turn to bow at each other and bump heads.-

Drake & Cake Eater: Ow *rubs head*

Tempest: *snickers*

Sparkle: Oi! It's going to be another one of those chapters. 

Tempest: *giggles and says to Cake Eater* Hey, you're little! That's cute! Can I pet you? *turns to Sparkle* She doesn't bite does she? I think I'll pet her. *pets Cake Eater*

-Cake Eater kicks Tempest in the shin for petting her.-

Tempest: OW! ~ _~ You didn't tell me we had a kicker. 

Sparkle: Right. Sorry about that. *snickers at Tempest who's rubbing her shin*

-Cake Eater and Drake sit in the chairs provided.-

Tempest: I'll get you for this. *plots*

Sparkle: What was that?

Tempest: OH NOTHING! *says quietly while plotting her revenge* kill… kill… kill… kill… now… now… now… now…

Sparkle: o_O;; Er, maybe we should move away from the diabolical Tempest. I don't think she's too happy right now.

Drake: Do you think we can get something more comfortable than these chairs? 

-Sparkle makes the chairs disappear. Drake and Cake Eater fall to the floor. Cake Eater then proceeds to kick Sparkle in the shin for good measure.-

Sparkle: Ouch! I was conjuring up you a couch. *sniff*

Drake: You could have gave us fair warning. *rubs butt*

-Another couch falls out the sky and Cake Eater and Drake sit on it.-

Sparkle: *speaks to the guest* As you know ladies, we're trying to get out fair ducks paired with the loves of their lives. ^_^

Drake: You can't fool us. We've been reading this fic. You've stolen Adam and gotten Ken kidnapped, and I think you better bloody well get him back. So, I'd say you were doing a pretty shitty job in --

Sparkle: HEY! YOU HAVE NO PROOF I KIDNAPPED ADAM! *sweats*

-Cut scene to Adam chained in Sparkle's bedroom with pink tutu and a tiara on.-

Tempest: Hey, she sounded like she was on a roll, and she realizes that YOU got Ken ducknapped and not US. *dances around* 

Drake: *sly grin* I might have incriminating photos that prove otherwise. ~_^

Sparkle: *facefault* Photos?

Drake: Does a hotdog suit and yellow feather boa sound familiar? Or how about a Darth Maul costume and foot porn magazines?

Tempest: o_O;; Dude, that's scary. You like FOOT porn? Can we say Porn in a PG fic? Dude, you like FOOT porn? Remind me never to walk barefooted in your presence again.

Cake Eater: Poppiegwashheeto? The sky is burning in the toilet. 

-Tempest starts snickering at CakeEater's non word and randomness.-

Sparkle: *deadpan* Y-you've got the wrong girl!! I'm innocent! 

Drake: I've got pictures you know. Wrong girl, huh? Well… how about --

Sparkle: *cuts Drake off* NO! … I mean… I wouldn't want you embarrassing some poor soul with any more stories or those pictures. Anyhow, let's bring out the boy. *claps hands and two bulky guys push Luis into the room*

Luis: W-what? 

Tempest: THAT'S NOT DEAN!! *pouts* I SPECIFICALLY ASKED FOR DEAN THIS CHAPTER. 

Drake: Dean was supposed to be in the chapter? WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS HE? *looks around frantically*

Cake Eater: Did someone say Guy? I like Guy.  #^_^#

Tempest: *sobs* There is no Dean, and there is no Guy. She brought out stinking Luis.

Cake Eater: No… Guy… wha? *eyes start to water* Where's the humanity?

Drake: Guy, who cares about Guy? There's no Dean. *sniffles*

-All three girls burst out into tears.-

Luis: Hey, I'm not so bad. I'm a real ladies man. ^_^

-The girls sob even harder at the mention of Luis' women skills.-

Luis: ~_~ *mutters incoherently*

Sparkle: Don't mind them. They're not crying because you're here. 

Drake: Yes, we are. *sobs*

Sparkle: *talks over the crying girls* THEY LOVE YOU.

Tempest: No, we don't. WE LOVE DEAN… *sobs*

Cake Eater: AND GUY! Don't forget Guy!

Tempest: Right you are, and GUY!

Sparkle: Erm… please don't mind them. They love you really. They're just afraid to admit it.

Luis: I know. All the ladies love me. *nods knowingly* I'm so beautiful it hurts. 

Drake: *says in English accent* Who in the bloody hell told you that lie you git?

Luis: Yeah, I know. I'm irresistible. That's why you were really crying. *flexes a puny muscle*

Tempest: *says sarcastically* Yeah, we can't resist that Latino Heat. *starts singing goofy wrestling song and doing goofy dance* Latino HEAT! Latino HEAT!

Luis: …

Sparkle: *whispers to Tempest* wrong fandom. Eddie Guerrero is Latino Heat.

Tempest: You think he knows the difference.

Cake Eater: Yeah-yeah. You were great in the Sandlot; can I have your autograph Benny? Yeah-yeah!

Luis: Benny?

Sparkle: *screams* WRONG FANDOM?! *starts to throw tantrum* THAT'S THE WRONG FANDOM!!

Cake Eater: Your mother! I got LET THE GOOD TIMES wheeeeeeeee! 

Tempest & Drake: *echoes* wheeeeee!!

Sparkle: ~_~ I can not BELIEVE the stuff I'm willing to go through. Luis, do you know why you're here?

Luis: Er… The answer is 12… no wait… it's Amoeba… WAIT! Is this a trick question?

Drake: Boy, this one isn't too bright is he?

Tempest: My sentiments exactly.

Cake Eater: Meep!

Drake: I'll take that as a meep of agreement. 

Sparkle: No, Luis. You're here because we want to help you find the perfect girl

Tempest, Drake, & Cake Eater: OR GUY!!

Luis: O_O Hey, nothing against people like Adam, but I don't do the male on male thing. I'm more of a pudding pie type if you know what I mean. *laughs*

-No one else laughs at Luis' lame joke.-

Luis: Oh COME ON! That was funny.

Sparkle: *pulls hair* ADAM IS NOT GAY!

Luis: Adam is fruitier than a fruitcake. I saw him checking out my --

Tempest: PG-13 FIC ALERT!!

Sparkle: Anyhow. *huffs* I will forgive you for that blunder, and continue to try to offer you our services. 

Luis: *cheeky grin* Services? What kind of services?

Sparkle: *whaps Luis* You pervert! It's not what you're thinking. We're going to help you snag a special someone. We're going to introduce you to the women of ff.net.

Luis: HELLLLOOO LADIES! *waves*

Sparkle: Anyway let's move on, first question… I think I should let one of our guests have the honor… *scared*

Drake: So, Luis, you stud muffin *snickers evilly* --

Sparkle: Wait, stop right there. Evil snickering means one of two things. You're either going to imply he's gay or you're going to ask him about Dean. Don't do either! 

Drake: Damn. *deadpan* She sure knows how to suck the fun out of a fic.

Tempest: Tell me about it. You haven't had to be in the last three chapters with her. It's fun to get her riled up though. 

Sparkle: Tempest, are you trying to get something started? 

Tempest: *innocent* Why no… whatever would give you that thought?

Sparkle: *sighs* Okay, ask away Drake…

Drake: So Luis, you like girls huh?

Luis: *nods*

Sparkle: Oy vey! What kind of question was that?

Tempest: Very valid if you ask me. I think Luis is hiding something behind that macho male mechanism. *raises eyebrow* 

Luis: YOU LIE!

Drake: Does she Luis? Or are you just hiding behind a mask. Guys like you usually end up --

Sparkle: Don't you say it!

Tempest: GAY!

Sparkle: I TOLD YOU NOT TO SAY IT.

Tempest: No, you told HER not to say it, not me. Get it right.

Cake Eater: Twinkle, Twinkle, man I want a yo-yo.

Tempest: I like these people. Can we keep them?

Sparkle: …

Luis: I AM NOT GAY! THAT IS AN INSULT TO MY SMOOTH WOMEN ABILITIES!

Tempest: Yeah, yeah, whatever. 

Cake Eater: Yeah-yeah!

Sparkle: Moving on… Anything you want to ask him, Cake Eater?

Cake Eater: *scratches head* Yes, we have no bananas? Yes, WE HAVE NO BANANAS TODAY? Yeah-yeah.

Sparkle & Luis: Eh?

Tempest: It made perfect sense to me.

Luis: The answer is green. Wait, can I change that?

Sparkle: ARG! @$@*$&*#$&*#$&*#$&*(@*#(&$*#(@&

-Tempest, Luis, Drake, and Cake Eater sit in awe of the curse words Sparkle just said.- 

Drake: I thought she couldn't say that. o_O;;

Tempest: She can't! They won't see it in ffnet land anyway.

Sparkle: I'm asking the next question. Luis what sort of girl do you like?

Luis: Purple… wait… I like all girls…

Sparkle: Can you be more specific?

Luis: *sweats* I like all girls a lot?

Sparkle: I meant… Nevermind, next question. What physical characteristics do you look for in a girl?

Luis: Tig ole bitties! ^_________________^

Sparkle: Tig ole bitties? Tig ole bitties? Big ole ti-

-All four girls thwack Luis-

Luis: OW! What was that for?

Sparkle: For mentioning boobs…

Drake: At least he was creative…

Tempest: I'm asking the question this time. So, *evil snicker* is Dean drop dead gorgeous when he wakes up?

Luis: (_* ERM!!

Drake: Or better yet, does he look all sexy after he showers? You know give us some mental images DAMN YOU! 

Luis: *_*  … I don't look at Dean like that you know…

Drake: Well we can't ask Adam because Sparkle's stole him.

Tempest: *nods in agreement* SO YOU TELL US RIGHT NOW! Is Dean MIGH GAWD HAWT all the time?

Luis: …

Sparkle: YOU TWO STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!

Tempest: B-but this is important stuff!

Drake: Hey where did Cake Eater go? *looks around for Cake Eater*

-Unbeknownst to the group, Cake Eater has discovered the magical keyboard. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle theme song starts playing.-

Tempest: *starts singing* TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES! TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES! HEROS IN A HALF-SHELL! TURTLE POWER!

-Suddenly, the TMNT poof into the room.-

Luis: Heyyyy! I LOVE YOU GUYS! MICHAELANGELO, YOU'RE MY FAVORITE *glomps Michelangelo's leg*

Tempest: HELLS NO BIZATCH! HE'S MINE! *glomps Michelangelo's other leg*

Michelangelo: Dudes, where are we?

Drake: Sparkle's and Tempest's fic. You're no Ducks, but I guess you guys will do.

Sparkle: WHO'S DOING THIS? 

Cake Eater: *from behind the couch* SQUEE!! TURTLES! *runs from behind the couch and glomps Leonardo while Luis and Tempest argue over Michelangelo*

Donatello: This is one of Shredder's traps. 

Raphael: Let's do it!

Michelangelo: SAVE ME! I CAN'T BREATH. 

Leonardo: TURTLE POWER! Wait, I can't move she's sucking my power out with this death grab thing. 

Sparkle: It's called a glomp. All the rabid, obsessed fangurls do it… and Luis apparently.

Cake Eater: I CAN SEE UP YOUR SHELL! SQUEEEEEEEEEEE! *glomps harder*

Nick (o.c): GO NINJA GO NINJA GO! GO GO GO GO!  NINJA! NINJA! RAP!

Sparkle: *looks around for Nick* I'm going to… WHAT'S GOING ON?

Tempest: MINE! *kicks Luis*

Luis: NO MINE!

Sparkle: This fic is going to hell. 

Drake: *says cheerfully* In a hand basket, but hell is much more fun anyway.

Sparkle: How would you know? O_O;;

Drake: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *evil laughter and thunder strikes*

Sparkle: You're Satan, and I'm in hell. Today has to be my lucky day. *cries*

Drake: The POWER. I CAN FEEL IT FLOWING THROUGH MY VEINS!

Raphael and Donatello: There is this evil villain! 

-The run towards Drake, weapons posed.  They run at Drake.-

Drake: YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME? HAHAHAHAHAAAA. 

-Sparkle watches afraid as the evil sword of Drakeness tumbles from the sky.-

Drake: THIS IS WHY YOU'RE NO GOOD.  *waves sword around impressively*  DEMON HORDE SLASH!  *stabs the ground and the room starts to shake*

Everybody: o_O;;

-The ground starts to glow red and interesting symbols start etching themselves around the offending Turtles.-

Donatello: What's happening…?

Raphael: I can't move!

Drake: Mwahahahahaha!

Tempest: JEEBUS! THAT IS SO COOL! WILL YOU BE MY NEW HERO?!

Cake Eater: The sky! The sky! It's what for dinner. 

Sparkle: I am officially scared. I have to fix this… NOW!  *runs to find the magical keyboard*

-Suddenly, everything disappears, and everyone is sitting on the couch again.-

Tempest: Hey! Where'd MUH TURTLE GO!

Luis: YOUR TURTLE! HE WAS MINE!

Tempest: *says to Cake Eater and Drake* You guys should come by more often. *snicker*

Sparkle: *whispers through clenched teeth* Tempest, no what are you doing. You almost went to Hell! Don't!

Drake: Hey, you know. That's not such a bad idea.

Cake Eater: Yeah-yeah!

Luis: *sniffles* This is so sweet.

Tempest: SHUT UP! I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE! YOU SHALL DIE! *stands up and does some Tae Kwon Do stance*

Sparkle: Oh no! She's in the cat stance! I'd run if I were you! She's a black belt you know!

Luis: A black belt in fic-life?

Sparkle: No, she's a black belt in REAL life. She's a black belt in TKD. Yellow Belt in Jeet Kune You have nothing to worry about if she goes with her TKD style. That's hand and foot fighting. You might be a little banged… okay, you'll get a foot planted to your forehead. But if she goes JKD style on you, prepare to get ass handed to you Bruce Lee style. She's just a yellow belt in it, but she's decent. I've seen her whoop booty in the dojo with it. 

Tempest: *does a flip (where miraculously her clothes turn into a ninja outfit)* 

Sparkle: RUN LUIS! RUN! 

- Drake and Cake Eater watch amused as Tempest's starts to run after Luis.-

Luis: *screams* Someone help me!

-Tempest produces ninja disks from empty air as she chases Luis down the hallway. They hear the whiz of objects flying through the air, and Luis screaming.-

Sparkle: Oh God, I'm going to end this now. This was so unproductive. *hears sickening thud noises*

Drake: Don't worry Sparkle. We'll help you. 

Cake Eater: The walls in the mall are totally, totally tall!

-Drake and Cake Eater jump on the couch were Sparkle's at, and the couch collapses from all the abuse it's been taking.-

Sparkle: *sobs*

*

Sorry I got terribly odd at the end, and sleep does odd things. I was half-asleep. Drake and Cake Eater, I hope I did okay with you guys. I've had to listen to tempest ramble on and on. Tempest is the resident martial arts buff. She is a student is a former student TKD and a current student JKD. JKD is a style of fighting that literally means Bruce Lee's Gung Fu. She's trained a little in Muy Thai Kickboxing. And as if she wasn't a martial arts nerd enough, she wants to take Taijutsu, which means she's going to take over the world single-handedly. That's why we will never seriously piss her off (even though she's so nice anyway). LOL Say hello to your Martial Arts geek, Tempest, because I don't know crap about it.  -- S


	6. Greg Goldberg

Title: So You Wanna Date A Duck?   
  
Author(s): RnbwRvrGrl (Sparkle) and Digital Tempest   
  
Rating: PG-13, we guess   
  
Summary: Two very bored authors bring you an odd fic that came from an MSN messenger conversation. It's odd, extremely odd. You have been properly warned. ^_^   
  
Authors' Notes: Don't kill us we were just having fun. Flame if you must but Flames toast s'mores!

**-x-**

-Sparkle stands alone in the room. There are muffled cries of protest coming from a cage covered with a blanket.-

Sparkle: *sighs* I would like to apologize earlier for my comrades. It seems that they're all mad. Just for the record, Luis is fine. Tempest didn't hurt him, and we finally convinced him he didn't have to press charges against us as long as we let him torture Tempest. Methods of torture are unknown.

-Cut scene of Tempest (from last chapter) chasing Luis down the hallway throwing her whizzing ninja disks at him. Luis screams and falls when they hit his back. He somehow manages to get up and continues running. Tempest catches up with him and bulldogs him to the floor with a sickening crunch.  Tempest jumps on his back and starts executing the crossface crippler, which is a move she learned watching wrestling.-

Tempest (from the covered cage): You'll never take me alive. I'll turn him green! I swear to the goddess I'll turn him the ugliest shade of puke green that my nimble fingers can type on the magical keyboard. And I'll give him a hand in the middle of his forehead. If he lays one slimy finger on me, I'll break his face. I'll do it. *continues to screams threats*

Sparkle: *miffed* How in the hell did she get out of those chains? *claps for the lackeys* I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO BIND HER TIGHTLY.

Lackey Rock: We did! We even double chained her -- all of them -- like you told us to. 

-Cut scene to Sparkle leading Tempest, Drake, and Cake Eater through a dark alley. Suddenly, Lackey Rock and Lackey Jericho with the help of Lackey Hunter jump the unsuspecting girls. Sparkle laughs maniacally.-

Sparkle: Get out of my sight. *the lackeys run* What good are lackeys if they can't even keep one girl chained down? Well, she can't get out of that cage, so I'll continue. All the TMNTs are fine as well, but for Drake's impudence, I've agreed to let the Turtles torture her. Methods of torture also unknown.

Drake (from the covered cage): You can't do this to me! If I had my sword, you'd be in big trouble Sparkle! They'll never beat me. Mwahahahahaha! How does turtle soup for dinner sound? *continues with evil tirade*

Sparkle: She's loose too? This is Tempest's doing. *sweatdrop* Well as long as they can't get out of that cage… I'm safe right? Right.  And finally, for CakeEater's excessive kicking habit, I'm sacrificing her to the ffnet god. That'll teach her.

Cake Eater: It's my only means of defense. *sniffles* 

Sparkle: *ignores all the girls* Judgment has been passed. It has been written and thus will be enforced. Lackeys, take them away. 

-Lackeys run in the room to cart the girls out, but a small figure emerges from underneath the covered caged. It's Cake Eater! They've pushed her through the bars.-

Cake Eater: No, not Cake Eater. It's QUAIL GIRL! 

Sparkle: o_O;; This is the punishment I get for burning Tempest's letter, isn't it?

-Quail Girl gives one Lackey Jericho a superkick to the shin, he screams in pain and falls. The other Lackey Rock's eyes grow large as he lets go of the cage and runs as fast as he can.-

Sparkle: Hey, where are you going? You're supposed to SAVE me! *tries to hide under the sofa, but Quail Girl has no problem getting to her* Ah! Stop! Don't kick me. What do you want?

Cake Eater: LET TEMPEST AND DRAKE GO!

Drake & Tempest: Woo! Way to go! You tell her!

Sparkle: But they'll KEEL me. *eyes start to water as she hands over the key reluctantly*

-Cake Eater lets Drake and Tempest go. Tempest is still in her ninja outfit and Drake is now donning the helmet of Valmar, which is a helmet with horns coming out of it.-

Sparkle: *backs away as all three girls advance on her* Come on, now. I was just kidding *laughs weakly* Let's be friend! Let's be friend! *sniffles*

Tempest: You were going to give me to Luis. *furrows eyebrows*

Drake: *deadpan* And you were going to give me to those damn Turtles.

Cake Eater: And you were talking about sacrificing me to the ffnet gods. Hayan?!

Sparkle: *stutters* You don't understand. I'm trying to run a successful establishment here. I mean, give me a break you guys. *sniffle* Do you really think I would let anything happen to you all?

All three girls: YES!!

Drake: You did get Ken kidnapped.

Tempest: *says knowingly* AND Adam is missing. Even though, we're pretty sure we know where he's at.

-Cut scene to Adam in Sparkle's house trying to chew through his chains.-

Sparkle: Okay, I'm sorry.  *says happily* Be cheerful you girls! Today is going to be a good day! 

Tempest: We won't kill you this chapter, but soon… *promises* 

Sparkle: *gulps* Let's try not to be so negative, ne? Anyway… *stops short when she hears a knock on the door*

-Sparkle and Tempest walk to the door and opens it to see another girl standing there.-

Tempest: Eh? More guests Sparkle? 

Sparkle: *confused* I didn't invite her. I don't know who she is. *turns to the girl* Who are you? 

Girl: *cheeky grin* I'm Joyful.

Sparkle: *miffed* I didn't ask you HOW you were. I asked --

Tempest: *whaps Sparkle* Damnit woman, I think she's trying to tell you she IS Joyful. You know she's a reviewer. You're in her dagblasted story! 

Sparkle: *eyes light up* Oh yeah! But what are you doing here?

Joyful: *throws suitcases in the room* I'm here to be in the fic.

Sparkle: o_O;; Wha?

Tempest: She said she's --

Sparkle: I heard what she said! I'm sorry, but the place is a bit full. Come back later. *slams door*

Tempest: *glares* How rude, Sparkle!

Sparkle: *glares back* I'm already dealing with your psychotic tendencies. Do you really think I need more psychos in the fic? 

-Both girls start to argue, but quickly jump back as the door is broke down with an unruffled Joy still standing there.-

Joyful: I said I've come here to be in the fic. 

Sparkle: *_* Er… okay then… who am I to argue? *scampers away*

Tempest: ehehehehe… she broke the door down. I am amused. ^_^

Cake Eater: Hey look! It's Joyful! YAY! 

-Sparkle proceeds with then introduction as Tempest gets the lackeys to fix the door all while glomping to Lackey Rock's leg.  Finally, Sparkle drags Tempest away from Lackey Rock.-

Tempest: No fair. Lemme go! *tries to run after the lackey, but Sparkle holds on to her firmly* You never let me have any fun. ~_~

Sparkle: Anyhow… today's guest…

-Tempest, Drake, and Joyful look hopeful, and Sparkle begins to sweat nervously.-

Tempest: *asks expectantly* Is it…?

Sparkle: *evil grin* Oh, it is!

Tempest: IT IS?

Sparkle: YEP! It's GOLDBERG! *snickers*

Tempest: Dean! YAYAYAYAY…er… wait… *deadpan* Goldberg? 

Sparkle: *snickers more*

Tempest: *says to Joyful* You know, I'm starting to think she hates me. She's a madwoman. But it's okay… I've survived this long. ~_~ *goes to the closet that magically appears out of nowhere.* I'm not bitter. Of course not. 

-Everyone watches as Tempest pulls out a violin case. She sits on the floor and opens it.-

Sparkle: Tempest? What are you doing? *sweatdrop*

Tempest: *says to no one in particular* You'd think because I was her online bestest friend, she'd try to make me happy. Is that too much to ask?

Sparkle: Tempest…?

-Tempest pulls out what looks like half a gun.-

Tempest: *continues to mumble insanely*

Sparkle: *says to the other girls* She watches way too many mafia movies. *sweats* Everyone please inch slowly towards the door as we don't want to upset the Tempest. 

-Tempest produces another half of a gun.-

Drake: We're all going to die aren't we? *glares at Sparkle* This is all your fault. *lunges at Sparkle who jumps behind the couch*

Sparkle: I CAN FIX THIS! *starts typing on magical keyboard*

-Tempest's gun disappears with a *pop* and a loud protest of, "HEY!" from the Tempest herself.-   

Tempest: *shrugs* Eh, makes no difference. I've got at least 20 other ways to kill you. *opens her trusty messenger bag and pulls out bubblegum, a picture of her boyfriend, a paperclip, and some glitter body lotion*

Joyful: *confused* What is she going to do with that stuff?

Sparkle: *backs away and says softly* Just continue to back away slowly. I've seen this episode of McGyver before. Not only that, but I've seen this in action. She's going to try to make a bomb.

-Cut scene to another silly fic that Tempest and Sparkle did together where Tempest blew up A.J. McLean's house (with aforementioned material) in the name of justice. A.J. is still missing, and everyone thinks Tempest has him.-

Tempest: *mutters*

Sparkle: COME ON TEMPEST! I WAS JUST JOKING. BESIDES IF YOU BLOW ME UP, WHO'S GOING TO WRITE THE FIC?!?!?

-Drake, Joyful, and Cake Eater all start to raise a hand, but Sparkle chases them away cause she's probably the tallest girl in the room.-

Tempest: Hmmm… you might be right. *thinks* I guess it can wait until last chapter. Bring on the boy!

Sparkle: *phew* Alright then, everyone take your places. *claps for a Lackey*

Lackey Jericho: You rang?

Sparkle: Did you hide all the perishables? 

Lackey Jericho: Perishables, goddess?

Tempest: GODDESS? What the -- ? *glares at Sparkle* 

Sparkle: *ignores Tempest* The food.  Has it been secured?

Lackey J: Oh!  Yes, you know you could depend on me cause *extends arms* I AM THE LIVING LEGEND -- *goes into song and dance* YOU KNOW I GOTCHA! YEAH! BREAK THE WALLS DOWN! 

-Tempest, Cake Eater, Joyful, and Drake all o_O;; at Lackey J.-

Sparkle: *whaps  Lackey J* Good God! STOP THAT HORRIBLE RACKET. *Lackey J stops singing* Thank you! Dismissed. Now, wheel in the boy!

-Goldberg is wheeled in. He has on a straitjacket and a mask that is scarily similar to Hannibal Lecter from "The Silence of the Lamb" and "Hannibal."-

Tempest: *kablink* What… What did you do to him? Why does Goldberg have on a Hannibal Lecter mask? Is he dangerous?

Goldberg: *says in scary voice through mask* Is that Sparkle? Hello Sparkle, I've been waiting for you.

Sparkle: Don't talk to me. You nearly bit a chunk out of my calf muscle. 

Joyful: He tried to eat you? 

Cake Eater: *frowns* We're all going to be eaten alive aren't we?

Drake: *nods* I'm afraid so my brave comrade.

Sparkle: *says in a sugary-sweet voice* Now, if I let you go, you have to promise you won't bite us. If you bite us, I will not hesitate to let Tempest unleash the power of the golden beating slipper of painful fanfiction death.

Goldberg: *shivers and nods*

-Sparkle begins to set Goldberg free.-

Tempest: I HAVE THE POWER! *hops around* THE SLIPPER! THE SLIPPER! I am quite proficient with THE SLIPPER! THE SLIPPER is to be feared. 

-Cut scene to Tempest beating an unknown, unrecognizable fanfiction character to a grease stain on the carpet. The slipper is glowing and making weird screaming noises.-

Drake: Sparkle! Can you stop with all the cut scenes? They're kinda scary. Tempest, you're right mad, aren't you?

Tempest: We're all mad here in ffnet land. *sings in a silly voice* Some are just madder than others are.

Sparkle: There we go. He's all free now.  Come sit with us. :)

-Goldberg sits between Tempest and Sparkle. Tempest moves away a little as she doesn't want to get bit.-

Sparkle: Do you know why you're here?

Goldberg: *thinks* Because the nice man at the 7-11 said he'd give me a slushy if I got in the car. 

Tempest: Bahahaha, you kidnapped him at a 7-11? Sparkle, how could you?

Sparkle: *rolls eyes* Okay, that's not the reason you're here. You're here because we're going to find you a girlfriend. We know a goalie's life can be quite lonely. We're going to introduce you to them… *points out to ffnet land*

Goldberg: *confused* Who? 

Sparkle: THEM *points*

Goldberg: I don't see anybody.

Sparkle: *grumbles*

Joyful: If you concentrate really hard and stare at that one banana shaped spot on the wall over there, you will see them. 

Sparkle: How did she know that?

Tempest: *shrugs* I don't know.

Sparkle: Anyhow, we're here to hook you up with a girl…

Tempest: *opens mouth to speak*

Sparkle: Don't you dare say it.

Tempest: FINE! BE A ONE-SIDED FASCIST!

Sparkle: *blink*

Drake: You have no idea what a fascist is do you? *smirks*

Sparkle: Not a clue. I vaguely remember this from high school…?

Tempest: Yeah, high school. *rolls eyes* Can we hurry this up? Season premiere of Smallville tonight, and I ain't missing that for nobody! 

Sparkle: Jesus, there's a multi-faceted fanatic in every bunch, ne? Okay, since Joyful is the new guest that invited herself. We'll let her ask the first question. Take it away Joyful, and please let's try to avoid the gay question. *glares at Tempest and Drake who have preoccupied themselves with trying to figure out where Sparkle has hidden the boy stash and the magical keyboard*

Tempest: *says to Drake* Sparkle's not too bright. I bet the keyboard is under the couch. What do you think?

Drake: *eyes the couch* I think you could be right. 

Sparkle: I can still hear you. I swear those two are long lost sisters or something. And for your information, the keyboard is not under the couch. Thank you very much!

Drake: She lies. *knowing nod*

Tempest: Definitely. Now, we gotta find the boy stash!

Drake: If I were a Sparkle, where would I hide a boy?

Tempest & Drake together: Hmmm…

Cake Eater: *becomes interested in the conversation and adds* What's an Irish Traveler? 

-Their conversation becomes muddled as they put their heads together and talk. Obviously speaking of exceptional evils and how they're going to cause Mayhem in this chapter.-

Sparkle: *frightened* Maybe if we just continue, they'll forget about their plans… Anyhow, Joyful… take it away… And try not to snicker evilly. That only makes me even more nervous. 

Joyful: *suppresses an evil snicker* Okay. Goldie, hi there --

Sparkle: Woo, would you look at the time. Here *hands Joyful a clipboard* Ask him straight from the provided list.

Tempest: Don't do it! That list of questions is evil. 

Joyful:  Hey, that's not fair. *pouts*

Sparkle: I like to think of this as a dictatorship. *shitty grin*

Joyful: *reads over questions* WHO WROTE THIS CRAP?

Everyone: SPARKLE!!

Sparkle: *blushes*

Joyful: You know you're real corny. Who cares if he wears boxers or briefs?

Tempest: *HAYAN* SHE ACTUALLY HAS THAT QUESTION ON THE LIST? Bahahahahahaha…

Goldberg: *nonplussed* I wear briefs.

Drake: You wear tighty whiteys? *howls in laughter*

Tempest: Excuse me while I burn my ears off with acid. =\

Cake Eater: Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie? Pretty nails, the ivory cushion that moisturizes.

Goldberg: o_O;; Does she have ticks?

Tempest: Of course not, you evil boy.

Sparkle: *ugh* I'm taking over. Excuse me here. First real question, what kind of woman do you like?

Goldberg: The ones of the female variety.

Tempest: We haven't gotten a decent answer on this one since Adam, and I swear he was lying.

Drake: Ken had a decent answer.

Tempest: Oh yeah. I keep forgetting about Ken since he's now officially Delia's love slave. I still can't believe she got him kidnapped. When are we going to get Kenny back?

Goldberg: Ken's been kidnapped? 

Sparkle: *sweatdrop* Ignore them. They don't know what they're talking about.

Drake: Yes we do!! *starts to pull out the incriminating photographs* See..

-Drake shows Goldberg a picture of Ken tied down in velvet ropes and a girl in a catwoman suit.-

Tempest: That's the evil girl who did it. 

Joyful: *tears up* HOW COULD YOU SPARKLE? 

Cake Eater: *pats Joyful* So let your soul glow!

Tempest: You'll probably get Goldberg here kidnapped too. It's been a while since someone came up missing.

Sparkle: *irritated* He is NOT going to be kidnapped. So can we go on? *sighs as Tempest shrugs* Physical characteristics in 10 words or less and don't you dare use the word boobs…

Tempest: Boy, someone is a little annoyed. Woo!

Goldberg: Long hair, long shapely legs, nice body, and b-- *stops shorts when he sees all the girls glaring* AND MUY GRANDE CHICHIS.

-All the girls whap him because they're smarter than him.-

Tempest: That was 11 words, and you shall die now… for you have mentioned breasts. *raises hand and THE SLIPPER descends from the heaven*

Goldberg: But she said don't say boobs. She didn't say I couldn't say Chichis.

Tempest: *growls*

Sparkle: You're about three seconds from being a grease stain on the carpet. *looks around* Wait a minute? Aren't there some people missing? 

-Cake Eater, Joyful, and Drake are no where to be found. Sparkle hears some arguing under the couch.-

Drake (O.C.): I asked to play with it first. Gimme that!

Joyful (O.C.): You shoulda used it last chapter. It's my turn!

Cake Eater (O.C.): Nooo! It's my turn! Uh-huh! Uh-huh!

Drake & Joyful: You got to play with it last chapter.

Cake Eater: So? This is new chapter and I haven't played with it yet.

Tempest: *pauses from killing Goldberg* I knew you had it hidden under the couch. You think you're so witty. Well let me tell you something Ms. Sparkle. You can never outwit the Tempest. *winks*

Sparkle: *eye twitches* YOU THREE GET OFF FROM UNDER THIS COUCH AND PUT THAT DAMNABLE KEYBOARD DOWN.

-The girls ignore her and continue to squabble. Suddenly, the room starts spinning and "Time Warp" from Rocky Horror picture show starts playing.-

Tempest: LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!! 

Sparkle: *gulps* I don't like the look of this. They're going insane under that couch.

-Sparkle realizes she's talking to herself as Tempest is under the couch now arguing with the girls.-

Sparkle: Too many short people in this fic…

Goldberg: Hey baby. Hows 'bout me and you… yanno?

Sparkle: *scared* No, I don't know. 

Goldberg: *slips an arm around Sparkle's shoulder* Oh… you know… *wiggles eyebrows*

-Suddenly the lights dim and "Let's Get It On" begins to play. Evil snickering can be heard underneath the couch.-

Sparkle: They would agree on something like this *grumbles as Goldberg pulls her closer*

-Goldberg's clothes magically disappear and he's sitting in nothing but his tightey whiteys and a cape.-

Sparkle: *screams* Okay! WHICH ONE OF YOU HELLIONS JUST DID THAT? 

Goldberg: So how about it?

Sparkle: NICK! NICK!

Goldbreg: *bewildered* My name isn't Nick. I'm Greg Goldberg. Superstar Goalie. I think we should get married.

Sparkle: NICK IF YOU'RE UP THERE. GOOD GOD! HELP ME!

Nick(O.C.): *says in a resounding, godlike voice* I HEAR YOUR CRIES MY CHILD.

Sparkle: HELP ME! 

Nick(O.C.):  *says in normal voice* What's in it for me?

Sparkle: WHATEVER YOU WANT JUST MAKE THIS CHAPTER END!

Nick(O.C.): heh… heh… anything?

Sparkle: YES! YES! YES!

Nick(O.C.): Even a certain ninja disk wielding cutie?

Sparkle: C'mon Nick! You know Tempest would kill me.

Tempest: You're damn skippy I will, and Nick you'd better not --

Nick: Say it! Or I won't!

Sparkle: YES!

Tempest: YOU BOTH ARE SO DEAD!

-The room fades to black. Nick has been ended the chapter.-

Nick (O.C.): Mwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *laughter fades* 

*

Sorry it took so long to update. I was out of town, and Tempest went out of town as well. I'm sorry this is so thrown together, but I'm still a little tired for a long trip. I know I didn't do Goldie justice *sniffles* but I was supposed to have this up before Smallville came on, but no luck. Sorry, Temp. =\ Next chapter will be better. Promise. Once again mission incomplete. O'RIGHT! -- Sparks


	7. Jesse Hall

Title: So You Wanna Date A Duck?

Author(s): RnbwRvrGrl (Sparkle) and Digital Tempest

Rating: PG-13, we guess

Summary: Two very bored authors bring you an odd fic that came from an MSN messenger conversation. It's odd, extremely odd. You have been properly warned. ^_^

Authors' Notes: Don't kill us we were just having fun. Flame if you must but Flames toast s'mores!

To Tempest: NYAH! I UPDATED BEFORE YOU DID! NANANANANANANA!

**Additional Author's notes from Sparkle: Maybe I should mention that it's mostly me (Sparkle) working on this. Tempest is adamantly working on an outline to a story we're going to write together soonish. I got this from out MSN conversations, and I've made them into this just to give me something to do while she works on that. I said that both of us authored it cause well it comes from _our conversations. Hehehe. Yes, it's scary to know we act like this. Okay, that's all. Read on. -- Sparkle_**

**-x**

-Sparkle enters the room alone. She starts to search around the empty room frantically hoping to find what it is she's looking for. She looked under the couches, praying to find the object.-

Sparkle: *mutters to self* Good Gawd, I've got to find it. I've got to make everything right in the world before Tempest kills me. *continues to look under the couches* First Delia, now this. What else can go wrong in this fic?

-Sparkle turns around slowly as she hears the door open. She braces herself for the blow that never comes. She turns around and faces a tall, handsome boy with a backwards cap on.-

Sparkle: o_O;; Nick? Is that really you? In the flesh? I didn't expect you here until later. Aren't afraid of Tempest at all? I mean she isn't going to be the happiest girl alive when she gets here, ya know. She might just go postal if she sees you here. May I suggest hiding?

Nick: *shrugs and says nonchalantly* I've come to collect my booty.

Sparkle: *snorts disapprovingly* Oh God, Nick, will you not say stuff like that. I swear you're a pervert, and if _she hears you talking like that you're liable to make the evening news. Not that we're both aren't already. Oi…_

Nick: *rolls eyes* I meant my booty like my plunder, my pillage, my loot, MY PRIZE. 

Sparkle: Well, that's even worse calling poor Tempest a prize. *sniffles*

-Loud stomps of anger can be heard outside, followed by a string of swear words too harsh to place in this fic. The door is flung open and in walks Tempest.-

Nick: O_O She looks really angry. *backs away from Tempest who's eyeing them both dangerously*

Sparkle: *whispers* She _is really angry._

-Tempest doesn't say anything as she continues to eye Nick and Sparkle angrily.*

Nick: Are you ready to go home? *snickers*

Tempest: SILENCE.

Nick: *gulps*

Tempest: You think you're going to take me without a fight. Well, let me tell you two something. THE TEMPEST NEVER GOES DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT. 

-Tempest pulls the magic keyboard out of her backpack.-

Sparkle: Hey, I WAS LOOKING FOR THAT. *cowers in fear as she realizes that Tempest is going to use it!*

Nick: *pulls Jawbreakers out of his pants pockets*  Oh no you don't! 

–Nick throws three well-aimed jawbreakers. One hits Tempest in the forehead, the other hits Tempest in the neck, and the last one hits Tempest in the eye. Tempest drops the magical keyboard while exclaiming, "Ow! My Eye! You bloody bastard! I'll GET you for this!"-

Nick: Hurry quick grab the keyboard before the recovers!

-Sparkle runs and scoops up the keyboard while Tempest continues to yell about her eye.-

Tempest: *charges Nick, knocking him over* You hit me in the eye with a JAWBREAKER! HOW DARE YOU! WHERE IS MY KEYBOARD. 

Nick: Oh, I like a woman who can take charge. ~_^ You can be on top I won't complain.

Tempest: *starts to choke Nick while banging his head on the floor. *bangs Nick's head on floor* This *bangs Nick's head on floor* is *bangs Nick's head on floor* a *bang* PG-13 *bangs Nick's head on floor* fic! You got that buster! *bangs Nick's head on floor*

-Drake and CakeEater walk into the room as Tempest continues to bang Nick's head.-

Drake: *_* What did we miss? What's going on here?

Cake Eater: Hello, Mr. Chimpanzee. *tries to hand a furious Tempest a banana*

_oODrake__ wonders why CakeEater had a banana in the first place, but decides not to think too hard about it. Oo_

Sparkle: Tempest is killing Nick. *clutches the magical keyboard that Drake and CakeEater are now eyeing greedily*

Tempest: *says between bangs of Nick's head* You're next!

CakeEater: I told ya someone was going to die. ^_^ YAY!

Sparkle: *cries* I can't die. I'm the one writing this fic.

Tempest: *hisses* That problem can be remedied. -_-

-Suddenly, Nick pushes Tempest off him and stands up.-

Nick: Stop your [expletive deleted] fighting woman. You're coming with me and that's that. *rubs neck* You hurt my neck. *shakes finger playfully at a growling Tempest* Papa spank! n_n

Drake: You won't take her if we have anything to say about it. Isn't that right CakeEater?

CakeEater: *nods head* PIGWEASEL! 

-Nick's hands start to glow and he starts to move them around rapidly.-

Sparkle, CakeEater, Tempest: o_O;;

Drake: *grumbles* Show off. If I had my sword, I'd show you impressive. ¬.¬ *grumbles more*

Nick: Did you forget that I am God in this fic? I HAVE THE POWER TO END CHAPTERS!

-Chapter starts to fade to black.-

Sparkle: OH NO! HE'S FADING THE CHAPTER! HELP US! HELP US!

Tempest: QUICK TOSS ME THE KEYBOARD!

-Sparkle tosses Tempest the keyboard and realizes what a big mistake she had made.-

Tempest: *snickers*

-Tempest begins to type furiously on the keyboard, and suddenly Vin Diesel appears.-

Vin: Where am I?

Sparkle: WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL IS HE SUPPOSE TO DO? *cries* NICK's FADING THE CHAPTERS AND YOU'RE TRYING TO GET SOME –

Drake: Pg-13 fic! *covers Sparkle's mouth*

CakeEater: *says excitedly* Slatfasrstcontine

Vin: *says to CakeEater* You should really go see a doctor about that.

CakeEater: *scowls* table legs…

Tempest: Oopsies, I was supposed to transport you to my bedroom. *winks at Vin*

Vin: I know you! You're the girl who hit me over the head on the street and tried to drag me into an abandoned building. ~_~

Tempest: _ THAT'S IN THE PAST! ANYWAY! *starts typing furiously and Vin disappears in his place appears Kai Sing from Romeo Must Die*

Sparkle: WHAT IS HE SUPPOSE TO DO? *sigh* We're all going to die. Goodbye cruel world.

-Kai bows to Tempest.-

Kai: Mistress, what do you command? 

Sparkle: You got him calling you mistress? (_*

Tempest: *ignores Sparkle* I want you to hurt the bad man. *points and Nick who's laughing like a maniac as he slowly fades the fic to black*

Kai: Yes, mistress.

Tempest: And you hurt him good! *nods*

-Tempest watches amused as Kai takes off his sunglasses and walks towards Nick who's lost his fracking mind-

Tempest: YOU KICK HIS ASS! HE TRIED TO KIDNAP ME! 

-Kai kicks Nick in the stomach, and the chapter stops fading to black.-

Nick: Hey! That's not fair. This guy could kill me with a snap of his wrists.  *pouts* But I'm still God *captures Kai in a bubble, suspended in midair* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Tempest: KAI! *runs to save Kai. Matrix-style battle between Nick and Tempest ensues. Everyone else sits on the couches.*

Drake: Er… aren't we suppose to be interviewing a Duck?

Sparkle: @_@ This is too weird. Yes we are suppose to be interviewing a duck, and the lucky duck is…

-Everyone holds their breath, even Tempest and Nick stop in mid battle to hear who she says.-

Tempest: Please, say Dean. Please say Dean!

Sparkle: ^_^ JESSE HALL!

Tempest: ~_~ 

CakeEater: NO GUY? Who's leg do you have to gnaw off to get Guy here? *cries*

Drake: Figures as much.

Sparkle: C'mon you guys. He's the forgotten duck. He needs love too, you know.  You know I'm right. Admit it.

-Everyone reluctantly agrees.-

Nick: *lets out contented sigh* Well, I'm happy. I'm surrounded by girls. *sits down by Drake and puts and arm around her shoulders* How YOU doin'? 

Drake: *slaps Nick* Now the question is how _YOU doin'? *stands up and moves away from Nick who is rubbing his face*_

Nick: *still rubbing face* Yep, she wants me. No woman can resist the McNaster! 

Tempest: *says sarcastically* You're so smooth with the ladies, baby.

Nick: *moves next to Tempest* Hey, the word of the day is legs, so how about we spread the word. ~_^

CakeEater: Meep! O_O 

Drake: Where did you get that one from? Let me guess you stole that line from your little brother. How adorable.

Nick: ^___________^ You know I'm fly. 

Tempest: *whispers to Sparkle* You had to write him in didn't you? Don't think this changes anything. You still die.

Sparkle: *swallows* Oh be happy, and let's bring in the Duck! 

-Jesse is shoved in the room by Lackey J.  Jess is screaming at the lackey and threatening to "take him out."-

Sparkle: Jesse, hello how are you? *holds one hand out, but Jesse just eyes it*

Jesse: Where the hell am I?

Sparkle: In our fic. We're going to introduce you to the women of ffnet.

Jesse: Word?

Tempest: Yeah, we're going to find you the person of your dreams. *rolls eyes*

Drake: *snorts* If she doesn't get him kidnapped.

Jesse: Kidnapped?

Sparkle: How long will you two make me suffer?

Drake: *jumps up* THE PEOPLE DESERVE TO KNOW THE TRUTH! *pulls out incriminating photos from her bag and hands them to Jesse* Sparkle has gotten two of your fellow ducks kidnapped, and I have the photos to prove it.

Sparkle: o_O;; You lie! Don't look at those. *tries to snatch the photos away*

Jesse: Hey isn't that Ken? Ken… in… LEATHER? 

Tempest: Ken in leather? *snatches picture away* Let me see that! *drools* Oh my! *shoves picture in her messenger bag* I think I'll keep this safe just in case we have to show the cops this or something… 

Drake: Sure ya are. You people don't fool me! Bwahahah! If there is a crime committed, I have pictures! So there!

Jesse: *continues to look at pictures* Is this ADAM in a… ew… God… that's gross. *drops picture*

Nick: *picks up pictures.* I'd say this is Sparkle's work. ^_^ Who else would dress a boy up in a cheetah thong with a tiara on his head and stilettos on his feet? 

Jesse: *says to Sparkle* You kidnapped Adam?

Sparkle: *blushes* YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG! I DIDN'T KIDNAP ADAM!

-cut scene to Adam in Sparkle's house trying to walk around with the stilettos on. He looks like he's enjoying it too much.-

Tempest: Sure, Sparkle. Tell it to people who are stupid and gullible. Anyhow, it's getting awful late and we haven't even questioned you yet. 

Jesse: *winks at Tempest* You can ask me anything you want. 

Tempest: *facefault*

Nick: *says defensively* Hey pal! Back off! That one's mine.

Jesse: *points at CakeEater* What about that one?

Nick: That one's mine too.

CakeEater: Hey! I'm nobody's! I belong to Guy!

Jesse: *points at Sparkle* That one?

Nick: Property of the McNaster.

Sparkle: You wish, Nicholas!

Jesse: *points at Drake* Her?

Nick: *frowns* MINE MINE MINE MINE! They're ALL mine! So stop looking at them.

Drake: You really want to die don't you!

Jesse: So who do I get?

Nick: These girls here are Nick's Angels. *points out to the women in ffnet land* You can have one of those girls. They're ready, willing, and able. You look like a real lady's man. 

Sparkle: Nick's Angels? Have you gone mad? Don't answer that. It's time for the first question. What kind of girls do you like, Jesse?

Jesse: Well, you know. I'm a smooth man, so I have to have a smooth lady. She's got to look good, have a brain, and she's got to be down to earth likes sports. 

Sparkle: I can't believe how well that just went. Do you know that's one of the best answers we've gotten since Ken. 

Tempest: Well, I'm impressed.

Jesse: *takes Tempest's hand* I'm here to electrify the female population.

Tempest: *giggles*

Nick: *slaps Jesse's hand away from Tempest's* MINE! Remember! MINE!

Sparkle: Next question!

Nick: *says excitedly* Oh Can I ask? Can I? Can I?

Sparkle: Aw, alright, but that's only because I know you won't ask the gay question. 

Nick: Did you know that I use to think you were a girl? Seriously, you looked like a little girl. Betcha didn't know that? Did anyone every tell you that would make a cute transsexual?

Jesse: What are you trying to say man? 

Nick: Oh nothing, just musing on how girly you seem.

Jesse: *glares*

Sparkle: -__- I can't believe you just said that.  That's what I get for thinking I could trust you to say something semi-intelligent.  *says to Jesse* What physical characteristics do you look for in a woman?

Jesse: It just all depends on the girl. Women are like ice cream you can't just choose one flavor.  There's only requirement.

Sparkle: What's that?

-All the girls wait anxiously for him to say boobs…-

Jesse: She has to have a personality.

-All the girls let out a sigh of relief.-

Tempest: I'm doubly impressed. He didn't mention the dreaded 'b' word. *stares at Jesse dreamy-eyed* 

Sparkle: Wow, alright then… where would you take a girl on a date?

Jesse: Somewhere fun like to a hockey game or the skating rink or something…

Sparkle: I can't believe how well this chapter is going. I feel accomplished…

-Her words trail off as she sees Tempest use a dart gun to free Kai from the suspended bubble that has been holding him.-

Tempest: *says to Nick* DIE SUCKA!

Nick: I AM GOD.

Drake: And this fic is going to hell in exactly 5…4…3…2…

-Nick screams as Kai chases him.-

Sparkle: Oh no! 

Tempest: Oh yes, that means you shall die now too! Mwahahaha!

Sparkle: Life's not fair. *runs away*

-Jesse sits next to Tempest.-

Tempest: *giggles*

Jesse: Did anyone ever tell you you're beautiful?

Tempest: Yeah, but it won't hurt to hear it again. *giggles while Nick and Sparkle scream in terror in the background and once again Drake and CakeEater are fighting over who gets to play with the keyboard*

Jesse: And you have big ole breasteseseses…

Tempest: *stops giggling abruptly* Now you've done it. You've gone and said the b word! *whaps Jesse*

-Suddenly the room becomes filled with ice cream and we hear Drake and CakeEater still arguing.-

CakeEater: See I told you snow was made out of ice cream!

Drake: You lie! Everyone knows it's made out of frosting. Geez!

CakeEater: Oh yeah, then why is it snowing ice cream.

Drake: *rolls eyes* Correction, it's RAINING ice cream.

CakeEater: LIES! *she lunges at Drake and they begin to fight in the ice cream.*

-All the boys stop in their tracks because seeing girls wrestle in ice cream is better than watching them wrestle in mud.-

Nick: Girls fighting in ice cream. There is a God. Oh, wait I am God. So there is a ME!

Jesse: *drools*

Tempest: *glomps Kai while he's watching the fighting girls*

Sparkle: *mutters to herself* Gotta save Ken, gotta get this fic back on track, first of all I've got to get rid of this ice cream.

-Sparkle tips over to the fighting girls and steals the keyboard. The ice cream disappears and Kai disappears causing Tempest to cry.*

CakeEater: Hey, Joy wasn't here! *pouts*

-Everyone glares at Sparkle cause she didn't write Joy in but she did send her an email why.-

Drake: She didn't write my Alan in either. *sniffles*

Tempest: Don't cry. I'll make her write Alan in.

Nick: Does this mean this is the end of this chapter?

Sparkle: I'm afraid so. 

Nick: You know this sucked right?

Sparkle: I hate you.

Nick: Well, it did. Write something funnier!

Sparkle: *sticks tongue out*

Nick: I'm going to be in next chapter right? 

Sparkle: Uh…

Nick: Of course I am. I'm God, and we're saving Ken next chapter. 

Sparkle: Uh…

Nick: Goodbye ladies! ;) Don't miss me too much. 

*

**_Nick made me say he was handsome. *snickers* Okay, no really, Nick is cute, but he made me put that in the fic. I've also sent out a couple of emails to some of the people who have been featured already. Namely Drake and Joyful. Next chapter soon, ne? It will be better hopefully. I've been slacking. =D_**


	8. Intermission 2

Title: So You Wanna Date A Duck?

Author(s): RnbwRvrGrl (Sparkle) and Digital Tempest

Rating: PG-13, we guess

Summary: Two very bored authors bring you an odd fic that came from an MSN messenger conversation. It's odd, extremely odd. You have been properly warned. ^_^

Authors' Notes: Don't kill us we were just having fun. Flame if you must but Flames toast s'mores!

-x-

Sparkle: Okay people. We were suppose to be saving Kenny this intermission, but we found something much more fun to do. 

Tempest: *actually nods in agreement* Yes, we had our first flame, and how do we respond to flamers?

-Tempest and Sparkle look at each other-

Tempest & Sparkle: WE MAKE FUN OF THEM! SQUEEEEEE!

Sparkle: Let's take a look at the review in question shall we. 

**_The Review:__ that was the biggest load of crap i ever read. adam banks likes girls. hmm wat else. u ppl suck at writing. and if u send a reply to me dont ask how i no, its because at 14 im already a fukin published writer so bite me -- ashley (duddett@hotmail.com) _**

Tempest: Oh my, that's sad. *shakes head* Stupid people piss me off. *starts pulling out the dull fork*

Sparkle: Now that's a real mature review, but you know what I say. Fight stupidity with stupidity.  *Tempest starts waving around her dull fork.* Wait, she's a published writer. You can't kill her. *snickers* Even though, my three year old sister can construct better sentences than that. What's a wat?

Tempest: *shrugs* Maybe, it's whatever she has stuck up her ass? 

Sparkle: You mean after the 10 dildos she's already stuck up her ass, there's still room for more? 

Tempest: Well 'u' 'no', I don't 'no' cause she's a 'fukin' published stooopid. We 'ppl' suck at writing, and we can't ask how she 'nos' anything. God I feel dirty talking like the dumb bitch. 

Sparkle: Yeah, I'm sure she's published, and my mother is Audrey Hepburn. It's a miracle she spelt her name right. 

Tempest: Maybe she wrote a book called "Wats and "Nos" for Dummies". I'm sure it goes over the finer points of not being able to spell and becoming a "published" author. 

Sparkle: But what's a wat?

-Nick suddenly appears in the room.-

Sparkle: Hey Nick, what's a wat?

Nick: o_O;; I don't know. Please don't let it be some icky girl thing. *covers ears* I'm not listening.

Tempest: Look read the review.

Nick: *reads the review* What is this Mandarin? What the hell is a fuking? 

Tempest: It stands for "Yoo Fuk Gud". Or should that be, "U NO U FUK GUD?"

Sparkle: U NO U FUK GUD? *dies in laughter* Nick you really should leave your dumb broads at home. She's going to get a aneurysm from trying to spell big words.

Nick: -_- I swear. She's not mine.  Even I have better taste than that.  

Tempest: She's such a GUDSPELLIR.  

-Nick and Sparkle look at Tempest oddly.-

Tempest: WHAT? If we expect her to understand it, we got to speak dumbonics! 

Sparkle: I still want to know what a wat is. *sniffles* I feel left out.

Tempest: *continues to make fun of the dumb reviewer* U DON'T NO WAT U TALKEEEEN BOUT. 

Nick: *starts making fun too* FUKING DUMB PPL. 

Tempest: WAT U SAY 2 MEH, NICK? FUKIN BOI! U NO U FUK GUD. STOOOPID DUMB BOI! U DON'T KNOW NUTHIN! I FUKIN HATE U.

Sparkle: Oh God, they're lost there minds. I'm going to have to translate for us normal people. Tempest said… *cries* I don't speak Ashley speak. I don't know what she said. *sniffles* CAN SOMEONE TRANSLATE? WHAT THE HELL IS A WAT?

Nick: U R SO STOOPID, SPARKLE. U DON'T NO ASHLEY SPEAK. U R NOT LEET. 

Tempest: U LEAVE SPARKLE ALONE U FUKIN BOI! WAT'S UR PROBLEEEEM? *rolls eyes*

Sparkle: Oi, my head hurt. *rubs temples*

Nick: U LEAVE MEH ALONE TEMPEST. U DON'T KNOW N E THING. ASHLEY IS PUBLISHED U NO. 

Tempest: Huked on fonics werked 4 her. 

Nick: DUH, WAT DID U THINK? U NO ASHLEY IS SPESHUL.

Tempest: U SUCK, NICK!

Sparkle: I want to know what a wat is.  TRANSLATOR! WHERE'S THE DAMN TRANSLATOR?

Tempest: I NO SPARKLE. LETS GO SERCHAN 4 THE WAT!

Sparkle: What?

NicK: I NO WAT WAT'S ARE DIM SUM FOOD.

Tempest: DIM SUM FOOD? *speaks as normal people do when they're not in Ashley speak dumbonics* He said Wat is a food.

Sparkle: Oh? *looks skeptical* 

Tempest: I still thinks it's whatever she has stuck up her loose ass. *nods*

Sparkle: *lightbulb* I HAVE AN IDEA! LET'S INTERVIEW ASHLEY!

Tempest: O_O But you don't speak Ashley's dumbonics.

Sparkle: I know, but you and Nick do. ^_^

Nick: You mean I got to keep talking like I don't know how to spell? GUD GAWD SPAHKLE, U MAKES ME SIK.

Tempest: How do you plan on getting her here? *_*

Sparkle: *takes out her duct tape* How else?

-Sparkle exits the room. We hear loud kicking noises and Sparkle screaming, "STOP SPEAKING YOUR DUMBONICS! TALK LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE!" A few minutes later we see Sparkle dragging in Ashley.-

Sparkle: *rips the tape from Ashley's mouth* Talk bitch. 

Ashley: WAT R U DOIN'? WHAR THE FUK M I? I'M FUKIN PUBLISHED U NO. 

Sparkle: *looks to Tempest and Nick for help* What did she say?

Nick: She wants to know what you're doing, where she's at, and she want you to know that she's fucking publish.

Sparkle: (_* Oh, thanks. *turns to look at Ashley and starts to speak really loud because everyone knows that dumb people need slow enuciation* I… AM… GOING… TO… INTERVIEW… YOU… DO… YOU… UNDERSTAND?

Ashley: @_@ *looks confused and grunts like an animal*

Sparkle: *throws hands up* Someone translate.

Tempest: *to Ashley* SHE IZ GOIN' 2 INNAVIEW U, 'Kay?

Ashley: U PPL R DUMB. I M A FUKIN PUBLISHED WRITER,  N I M 14, werd. 

Tempest: *starts to pull out dull fork, so she can stab Ashley in the head, but Sparkle stops her*

Sparkle: C'mon what did she say?

Tempest: She said we were dumb, so I was going to stab her and put her out of her ignorant bliss. 

Sparkle: C'mon now Tempest.  Stab her after the interview.

Tempest: ~_~ I got to wait?

Sparkle: Yes. *turns to Ashley* So, you're a published writer.  What did you write? Nick, translate.

Nick: WOT U WRITE BOUT? WAZ IT A GUD BUK?

Ashley: *nods happily*YESH, THEY WERE VARY GUD BUKS. I WROTE DUMBONICS 4 DUMMIEZ. N I WROTE ASHLEY'Z WORL!

Nick: o_O;; Um… she said she wrote Dumbonics for Dummies, and some book called Ashley's World. 

Sparkle: Oh, that's interesting. Ask her what her book Ashley's World is about?

Tempest: Yo! WAT UR BUK ASHLEY'Z WORL BOUT?

Ashley: *gets excited like the dumbass she is* ITZ BOUT MEH N SHOPIN' N CLOTHEZ N BOIZ N SKOOL N MUZIKS N HOW SMARTALALA I M. 

Tempest: She says it's about her, shopping, clothes, boys, school, music, and how smart she is.

Sparkle: She goes to school? I find that very disturbing.

Tempest: WAT?! GET THE FUK OUTIE! U GO 2 SKOOL?

Ashley: *rolls eyes* YESH! I GO 2 SKOOL. HOW U THINK I GOT 2 B PUBLISHED WRITER? I HAD 2 GO 2 SKOOL, BUT IMMA QUIT WEN I TURN 18. SKOOL IS DUMB N I WILL GET MUNEY 4 MAH BUKS N I WILL SHOP ALL DAY N U WONT, STOOOPID.

Sparkle: What she say? What she say?

NicK: She said she does go to school. How do you think she got published. Hmm… her dumbonics are a little funny, but I think she said she was going to quit school and get money for her books. Then she will shop all day, and you won't.

Sparkle: Interesting…

Tempest: You forgot to add stupid. She called you stupid, Sparkle.

Sparkle: Like she's the one to call anyone stupid. She can't even spell stupid. Ask her was writing her books hard.

Nick: WAZ WRITIN UR BUKS HARD?

Ashley: FUK YEA. I GOT THOSE THINGS DAT MAKE UR HEAD HURTZ BAAAAD

Nick:  Headaches?

Ashley: YEAH. I GOT THOZ CUZ I HAD 2 THIK REALLY, REALLY HARD, BUT I M STIL BETTER THAN U CUZ I M FUKIN PUBLISHED.

Tempest: *grins hopefully* Can I stab her now?

Sparkle: Not until I know what she said.

Nick: She said it was hard and she got headaches, and she was better than us cause she was published.

Tempest: 50 bucks said she sucked…*Sparkle glares at Tempest and makes the PG-13 sign* er… toes cause a bum off the street said he could get her published.

Sparkle: Who said it had to be a guy?

Nick: Girl on girl action? Where? I'm there!

Tempest: Can I stab her now?

Sparkle: No, this is getting interesting. ^___________^ I mean I have to keep her alive for one reason. She said Adam likes girls.

Nick: Adam likes girls my butthole.

Tempest: Adam likes your butthole? o_O;; Nick, why didn't you tell me this before. I could have been taping –

Nick: I DIDN'T SAY HE LIKED MY BUTTHOLE!

Sparkle: ADAM DOESN'T LIKE HIS BUTTHOLE!! *cries*

Tempest: I'm not convinced. You'll have to do better than that.

-The Trio has forgotten about Ashley who is eating Sour skittles that Tempest dropped off the floor. They're more concerned about Adam and Nick's butthole.-

Tempest: Bahahaha! So you and Adam like to have buttsex?

Nick: You take that BACK!

Sparkle: YEAH YOU TAKE THAT BACK. THERE IS ONE OF YOU, AND TWO OF US?

Tempest: Well maybe I should make the odds higher. *claps at Ashley* Come here… animal… *whistles at Ashley who is still eating whatever she can find off the floor* ADAM LYKES 2 HAV THE BUTTsex0r with boiz! *Ashley growls and starts scratching her fleas*

Sparkle: What? *_*

Tempest: There now it's 3 against One. We two and  a half against one because Nick knows that Adam is gay, but he's in denial about their hot buttsex.

-Delia saunters through the door still clad in her leather.-

Delia: Hello!! *spots Ashley who's not humping Nick's leg* Oh, what a cute puppy-animal-thing. I thought you didn't like animals, Sparkle.

Nick: GET IT OFF! GET THE FUK OFF ME BIZATCH! *screams*

Sparkle:  What are you doin' here, and did you bring Ken?

Delia: No, and you're not getting him back, so swallow, choke, and die.  I just came to see the garanimal and the buttsex.

Tempest: I'm going to stab her, so you can't have her.

Delia: NO! I WANT THE GARANIMAL!

Tempest: NO, I'M GOING TO STAB HER.

Delia: *pouts* Oh alright then. Anyway, who's having buttsex with Adam.

Tempest: NICK!

Nick: *still fighting Ashley* AM NOT!

Sparkle: IS NOT!

Delia: I wonder where Nick was gone those long nights. *snickers* Now, I know. Can I pet the garanimal?

Sparkle: She speaks dumbonics, and she bites. 

Delia: Oh… well I speak…er… French… can she understand that… GARANIMAL! GARANIMAL! *starts to get hyper*

Sparkle: *shakes head* Where did we go wrong?

Delia: *tries to pet Ashley who promptly bites her*

Ashley: WAT THE FUK U DOIN'? IM 14, N IM PUBLISHED. GET THE FUK OFF ME! FUKIN' DUMB PPL. U DON'T NO N E THING! 

Delia: er… dumbonics… let's see. Damnit I know some dumbonics. Me LUV U LONG TIME!

Ashley: DO U FUK GUD? CAN U GET MEH PUBLISHED? I SUK 4 5 DOLLA!

Delia: Hehe. This is fun. Let's see. I know more dumbonics. ME LUV U LONG TIME! U WAN 5 DOLLA! SUCKI, SUCKI NOW!

Tempest: DELIA! THIS IS NOT THE TIME NOR THE PLACE!

Delia: But didn't I tell her I wanted to take her home and add her to my collection?  Sabertooth needs a playtoy; he keeps breaking 'em.

Nick: o_O;; Er… no… you told her you wanted her to suck something, and I want to know what?

Delia: Hmm... does she do toes?

Tempest: I hear she's an expert toe sucker.

Sparkle: You have Sabertooth?

Tempest: Dude, I wondered what happened to him. All I remember is the room getting black and he disappeared.

Delia: *proud* That was me.

Sparkle: Should've known.

Delia: So can I have her?

Tempest: NO, I'm GOING TO STAB HER REMEMBER!

Delia: Oh Right! Well I guess my Sabertooth will have to be lonely. *sniffles*

Sparkle: If you go to Sparkle's house, there's an Adam there. I bet Sabertooth would have fun with him.

Delia: Hey, you're right! *eyes brighten*

Sparkle: Touch him and die. *glares*

Tempest: Hmmm… I'll whip you someone up. *takes the keyboard out of her  backpack and starts typing frantically*

-Ryu Hayabusa from Dead or Alive 3 and Ninja Gaiden falls out of the air.-

Delia: Mine?

Tempest: Oh! Hehe, that ones mine. *winks at Ryu Hayabusa who's in attack mode*

Sparkle: Tempest… is he dangerous?

-Tempest continues to type and a Justin Timberlake falls out the sky. Ashley immediately begins humping Justin's leg.-

Ashley: JUSTIN! *screams* ASDHJKLHFJDK FDSJKLFDHSJKLDFSJKL I LUV U! U FUK GUD! *continues to hump Justin's leg*

Justin: @_@

Tempest: That's yours if you can pry the published writer off his leg.

Delia: God, she's such a slut. I like her.

Sparkle: *mumbles* Yeah cause you're a slut.

Delia: What?

Sparkle: Oh NOTHING!

-Tempest glomps Ryu Hayabusa who is cursing at her in Japanese.-

Tempest: I don't know what he's saying. Where's Drake when you need her?

Delia: *hits Ashley* GET OFF! GET OFF! GET OFF! THAT'S MY SABERTOOTH'S JUSTIN!

Ashley: HE'Z MINE U DON'T NO WAT U TALKEEEN BOUT!

-Delia kicks Ashley in the face and runs of with Justin with her infamous evil laugh, "MWAHAHAHAHAHA". Ashley retreats to her doghouse that appears out of nowhere.  Meanwhile, Nick pouts cause Tempest is glomping Ryu Hayabusa.-

Sparkle: Not to self: Gotta get Ken back! *laughs nervously and turns to Nick who is still pouting.* Nick you're jealous! Aw!

Nick: I hate you all. I'm leaving. *runs away sobbing*

Sparkle: Well I guess I'd better end this chapter. I wonder where's Ashley? 

-cut scene to Ashley eating toilet paper in the doghouse-

Sparkle: Ending notes, if you're going to flame, please, please at least leave a decent flame. Stupidity and fun *cough*intelligent*cough* flames are two different things.

Tempest: I think Ashley should be our new pet. :D Can we keep her? PLEASE! Hayabusa likes her too. *continues to glomp Ryu Hayabusa who is an unsightly shade of blue*

Ryu: … *says something in Japanese*

Tempest: *pretends to know what he said* Okay, as soon as we get home.

Ryu: …

Tempest: So can we keep her?

Sparkle: Oh, why not! I thought you wanted to stab her?

Tempest: I'll stab her at the end of the fic.

 Sparkle: I'm not feeding her though.

Tempest: Oh hello, I'm sure the little git will find enough junk on the floor to sustain her. Wait until the girls meet the new fic mascot. Ashley the published Writer. FUKIN KEWLIEZ!

-Sparkle and Tempest w/Ryu Hayabusa walk away in the sunset.-

*

Hey guys, yeah I know some of you were suppose to be here, but we didn't want to get you all involved in this bullshit. Yes, dumbonics is a play on ebonics, but I don't mind ebonics. It's fun to talk in ebonics. :D You all will be in the next chapter. Joy you said you didn't get my email. What's your email addy? I haven't been able to check my email since I posted the last chapter, but I will tomorrow.


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